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[oneshot] A Blank Canvas for Ninomiya Kazunari Potrait - Ohmiya
Title : [oneshot] A Blank Canvas for Ninomiya Kazunari Potrait
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ica_90
Beta by:antimiya88
Pairing : Ohmiya, Slightly Juntoshi, members appearance
Rating : PG-13
Genre: twice I re-read the beta version, I cried. Either I’m too mess up or this is really angst. Friendship
Summary : When his bestfriend request for something, but even until the end of the man’s life, he didn’t fulfill his wish, Ohno lived in despair, regrets or maybe denial.
Disclaimer: who am I to own such successful idol as Arashi? I’m just a normal fangirl struggling to buy their released, goods and etc. all I have is imagination and words to connect until it form a fanfic.
Warning: character death!
Extra note: written for Camp NaNoWriMo along with encouragement fromshardaunei, nino1711azuki, riikushi. <3 you guys.
“How can you draw someone else’s but not your own band mates’ portrait?” Nino asked him out of blue one day, making Ohno to halt his movement. He turned to his side and saw Nino, who was sitting next to him, looking at him with interest.
“Because it’s troublesome” Ohno replied casually, ignoring the pouting on Nino’s face. Slowly he turned back, making himself to complete his answer “portrait needs a lot of detail, focus. With you guys, I can never focus”
“Fine, then. If it is hard for you to draw us, draw only me”
Ohno chuckled.
“Don’t want to”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s troublesome… Please Nino. Please don’t make me repeat things twice”
Nino stopped there. Or that was what Ohno thought at first.
It took Nino a moment of silence before breaking it. His voice was almost a whisper, like a breeze but Ohno knew Nino for too long; for him to not to catch every single word that left the man’s mouth.
“One day, when you can’t see me anymore, you’ll regret your decision of saying no today, Oh-chan”
Ohno’s eyes widened.
“What- why are you saying this, Nino… It’s not like you’re going to die tomorrow”
“Maybe… Who knows?”
Ohno sighed. The man next to him refused to take a look anymore, focusing on the DS in his hand. Slowly, Ohno took the DS away from Nino’s hand; saving the game before Nino even manage to protest. He put the DS aside before making Nino look at his direction by cupping the man’s face with both his hands.
“You have a small face” Ohno said. Nino rolled his eyes. “Your eyes… hmmm... beautiful. And nose, pointed. I’m gonna remember this small mole here,” he said, poking his finger into Nino’s mole. The gamer tried to fend off his hand but Ohno, laughed before he quickly cupped his face again.
“And then, these lips” he said, brushing his thumbs against Nino’s lower lips. “…kissable. I’m sure thousands of fans would love to taste these lips”
“You’re talking nonsense, old man” Ohno laughed watching the man in front of him blushing embarrassed. “…and everything you’ve mentioned, doesn’t have anything to do with what I requested, Oh-chan”
“Of course it does, Nino. Geez! You’re not paying attention”
“Huh?”
“A portrait needs a lot of details Nino. If you draw one fast, without paying attention to the details, it will never be a portrait. It will turn into a caricature, just like the one I drew you last time in D no Arashi, remember?”
“Of course I do” Nino sighed, surrendering. Well, it wasn’t really a big deal though. “Never mind, Oh-chan. I guess, I’ll just give NTV a call for my caricature you had drawn back at that time” Nino said, taking his DS from the empty sit at Ohno’s other side before starting playing with it again.
“Fine then” Ohno sighed. “I’ll draw you one later”
Nino’s eyes show he was excited. Ohno sure he’s going to remember that one too.
“When?” Nino asked, trying to hide his excitement.
“Later… when I get my time, mood and inspiration again. But you have to promise me one thing”
Nino raised his eyebrows, questioning what could Ohno mean by that.
“Never, ever complain about how it turned out in the end”
Ohno could swear that the smile Nino flushed afterwards will always be the one he will never forget.
***
He won’t forget that smile. He literally promised that. But in the end, Nino was right. He regretted it because he couldn’t draw one that the other could see.
Nino is gone, away from him. Forever. Even when every corner in his house was filled with Nino’s portraits, Nino wouldn’t be able to see any of them anymore.
Ohno has lost the count of how many cans of beer he drank today. He didn’t even know if it was day or night; the only thing he’s been busy with is regretting while staring at the blank canvas in front of him. He had stopped counting how many canvases he has changed before starting with a new one, even when his own brain was telling him it’s of no use, since the one for whom the painting was created, would never have the chance to see it at all.
It felt like yesterday since Nino was gone; leaving Arashi as four, leaving the fans to mourn over his death. The image of Nino’s laugh, Nino’s smile while teasing him was still fresh in his mind, as if the man had never left. But no, Nino was gone and the only thing left behind now was painful memories.
His hand found the thrown from earlier brush on the floor. It had been long time since he had thrown that brush, feeling frustrated, almost of the same amount as the Nino of the portrait he had drawn. Nino’s face was all over the room, but Ohno couldn’t get over it. Drawing Nino had become an addiction to him; an addiction that he couldn’t stop.
His hand was shaking as he drew that line, the curve that was perfectly defining Nino’s facial shape. He closed his eyes, letting the image of Nino fill him inside. Tears were flowing out of his eyes as he continued on drawing with every detail he could remember.
***
They were best friends. No one understood how two people with so different personalities could create such a beautiful friendship.
It’s not like Ohno was really bothered when Nino started to bug him over the promise he had made again and again. But perhaps in that particular day, he wasn’t in the best mood. He was tired, along with the fact that there was a change in his working schedule filling his supposed off days with recordings.
Nino was the first to greet him that morning, slightly cheerful; something that caused Ohno to frown, as he remembered how Nino usually only minded his own business and greeted him back without even lifting his head from his DS during his usual routine. But Nino was different that day. His smile was sincere, though there was something that was bothering Ohno.
“Something good happened?” Ohno asked. Nino pouted a little making Ohno to frown as he saw that.
“I’ve been waiting for so long” Nino said, grinning like an idiot. “But since today is my birthday, can I have my portrait already?”
Ohno sighed.
“Nino… I’m not in the mood to draw anything. I’m sorry but not today, please?” he said, sort of begging the man.
But Nino was being annoying. So annoying that Ohno started to wonder why the man was so hyper. Nino kept asking for it, poking Ohno on his waist when the latter chose to ignore him.
And that was until Ohno had it enough.
“Stop it! What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you had already understood after all of this time! Why can’t you just get it? I can’t do something when I don’t feel like doing it”
Everything stopped at once; He felt cold; all of sudden it felt as if a small breeze blew on his nape, having four pairs of eyes staring at him with a frown on their face. Ohno knew he had said something that had hurt Nino’s feeling. Especially when he looked at Nino and saw the smile that was on his face from the moment Ohno had entered the room, gone, erased. There was only hurt on the other’s face at the moment.
“Nino, I mean-“
“It’s ok, Oh-chan” Nino cut, smiling at him even though it wasn’t as sincere as earlier. “I’ve been a bother. You don’t have to do it anymore”
Nino paused, biting his lips.
“It’s ok if you hate it. You don’t have to do it anymore”
“Nino... That’s not what I mean. I mean, I’m-“
“Stop…“ Nino stop him, showed his palm in front of Ohno. “It’s ok”
Ohno watched Nino making his way to the couch. From the way he was dragging his body Ohno could tell the disappointment that had built in him. He could perfectly figure it out. For God’s sake, they were best friends for more than 15 years. Words weren’t needed to express their feelings. He perfectly knew how Nino was dejected by what he had said. His mind was screaming to him that he had to apologize. But in the end, nothing left his mouth.
Once the work was finished, Nino didn’t even tell him goodbye; and Ohno lost the chance to greet him for his birthday. He couldn’t tell him Happy Birthday…
Never again…
****
Knocks on the door almost startled him.
Ohno could guess who was at the door. It has been a routine for them to visit him since that day. They took a turn to visit him, ensuring that he was fine.
He turned to take a glimpse at his visitor, smiling even though there were tears on his face.
“Matsujun, I drew your portrait yesterday. It’s over there, take a look, ne?” he said, pointing at one corner.
But Jun didn’t reply. The man was silent, standing silently behind him. But Ohno refused to look at him. He still had an unfinished portrait in front of him and he wanted to finish it today. And maybe he can start a new one after that, especially when another image of Nino distracting his mind while he was doing the current one.
“And, Matsujun, can you do me a favour? Can you send to Sho-chan and Aiba-chan their portrait too? I drew them last time but that time they were here, I haven’t finished theirs yet, so-“ he kept talking while his hand drew Nino’s. That was his promise; for himself to drew one for each of his band mates, while they can see it. Just because he didn’t want to regret it the way he regretted now.
Until he felt warmth; it was then that he realized that Jun had hugged him. Sobs were leaving the man’s mouth before a drop of tears fell on his shoulder.
Jun was crying. Just like that day, how Jun was crying silently at one corner of the room, his heart broken because of the sight in front of him.
****
Ohno thought it was a joke. Getting a call in the middle of the night when he already dreamt of something… horrific. It wasn’t the phone call that woke him up. The dream was.
He barely remembered what the dream was about. Or maybe he refused to remember as he rushed to pick up the phone...
But hearing the news from the person at the other end of the line was even worse than his dream earlier.
“Ohno-kun” his manager’s voice sounded shaken. “Could you please get ready in 10 minutes? I’ll explain to you everything on our way to the hospital”
Ohno frowned. It took him a moment to think until he replied to the man a simple ‘yes’. But his manager didn’t stop there. His next words sent him in an uneasiness that couldn’t stop him from having a bad feeling.
“I’m sorry” was what the man said and Ohno couldn’t send the uneasiness away.
The moment he stepped into the car, Ohno couldn’t bring himself to ask. His bad instinct stopped him from asking and the continuous phone calls the man kept answering while driving him towards their destination were telling him that something wasn’t right, yet he didn’t dare to ask. The only thing that he has courage to ask was…
“Where are we going?”
“To the hospital”
The answer kept him shut throughout the way. Even when they arrived at the so told place, he was hesitant to step out of the car. Numerous questions were rushing into his head. Who? What happened? How? They were circulating inside his head so much that he felt like throwing up everything.
He wasn’t sure how he managed to walk until the end. When they finally stopped, he could see their other managers were there; Even that old Johnny. His usual arrogant face wasn’t there, replaced by that frown that Ohno couldn’t come to describe.
Sho was the only member at the waiting area. Watching Sho’s eyes full of tears, Ohno still couldn’t bring himself to ask. In the end, he was just afraid to face any of the possibilities of what could have happened; something that could equal a loss to him or them. When Sho wrapped his arms around his shoulders, trying to lead him to the room at the end of the corridor, his legs refused to move. He didn’t want to.
“I don’t- who’s inside that room, Sho-kun?” he asked. “Where are the others?”
Sho’s voice was cracking when he replied.
“Jun and Aiba are inside, Ohno-kun. You have to be strong. We need you”
“Where’s Nino?” Sho’s eyes widen a bit but watching how curious Ohno was at the moment, Sho knew that this was going to be tougher for him. Explaining would take so much time, and they didn’t need it now; maybe later but definitely not now.
“Let’s go, Ohno-kun” he said, half dragging the man into the room.
As he stepped into the room, Jun was there at the corner of the room, embracing his legs as he buried his face onto them. He scanned the room and saw Aiba next to the bed, crying silently, his hands clenching on the white sheet that covered the body lying on the bed.
All of a sudden, his body jerked. Nino wasn’t there. He couldn’t find him anywhere in the room. Watching how much the other members had broken into tears, maybe he didn’t need to ask anymore.
He hated it. He was afraid of his own thoughts. His mind felt like shutting down but why were his legs making their way to the bed? Why was his hand freely holding that white sheet, pulling it off only to see a pale, motionless body of Nino underneath? No breath, no sound, no movement at all.
It couldn’t be happening, he said in his head.
“It can’t be” he repeated it aloud. “That guy looks like him, ne minna?”
No answer. A soft sob left Aiba’s mouth.
“Why are you guys crying? Ok, fine. Perhaps this is Nino… but he’s sleeping, see?” he said, holding Nino’s hand.
But then he realized. He knew Nino. A sleeping Nino wouldn’t be cold like this. They’ve cuddled a lot and he knew well the warmth of the man’s body. There’s no way a sleeping Nino could be this damn cold, this damn pale... white.
It was then he felt an embrace from behind and tear drops on his shoulder.
“Riidaa…” Jun’s voice stopped there. He could feel how the man was hiccupping against his back, his words stuck in his throat.
“What the hell is wrong with you guys? He’s not dead. It’s his birthday today. He’s not-“ his words stopped there when Aiba stand up from his seat, storming out the room, to cry out loud outside.
His sight was brought back to the body on the bed. No, he couldn’t believe it. He remembered how cheerful Nino was this morning, grinning when he told him about his birthday today. The image rushed from one to another like a screen player in front of him. But then another expression flew in: how Nino’s smile was replaced by that dejected look; how he made his way back to the couch, his shoulder slumping frustrated by what he had heard from Ohno. And then Ohno heard something in him; something breaking inside. It was perhaps his heart.
Sho was explaining everything to him; about the accident on their way home that Nino and his manager had. Nino was sitting at the front seat. Ohno barely heard the details but he did distinguish that the impact was so hard that Nino had flown out of the car when the windshield broke. Their manager ended up in coma and Nino…
Ohno refused to listen anymore.
He pulled Jun away harshly before turning to take a look at both Jun and Sho. For a moment, they fell silent, before Ohno breaking it with a smile.
“I’m heading home. Call me when he wakes up? I want to show him his portraits”
He left the room, ignoring Sho’s calls. It’s confusing. If Nino hasn’t died, then why did these tears keep falling?
And all of a sudden, he remembered the detail of the dream he had earlier.
Nino was waving him goodbye.
***
“Nino is not dead, Jun-kun”
“Riidaa-“
Ohno stands abruptly, pushing Jun away.
“I said he’s not dead! Look at all of the portraits I drew! I remember him. I know every single detail of his! If he was dead, I wouldn’t remember all of this, right?”
“It has been a year, riidaa. You should-“
“I can’t move on!” That’s when the tears started coming out of his eyes. “How can you ask me to move on Jun? I can’t- God. He didn’t even see all these portraits of him, Jun-kun; not even once”
He wailed. He struggled hard when Jun took him into his embrace but he failed. In the end, his legs failed him as he knelt onto the hard floor, crying hard in Jun’s embrace.
“I don’t want to forget him” he said. Jun rubbed his back a few times.
“You don’t have to, riidaa” Jun said, holding himself from breaking again. He shouldn’t. “He holds that special place in our heart after all”
***
2 years later…
It was his second exhibition. He couldn’t think of any other name except for one: ‘Faces’.
There were so many portraits of random people: a child he saw while sitting at the park last year, an old lady with a happy smile, an old man with a frown while thinking about something, the members and others. But almost a quarter of the collection was only Nino’s portraits.
At one corner of the exhibition, there was another portrait of Nino along with a blank canvas.
It wasn’t anything special about that canvas but for Sho, Aiba and Jun, was. They knew exactly what Ohno was trying to tell them: that no matter what, or maybe until the rest of his life, he will never stop drawing Nino.
__________________________________________________________
update for One More Chance will be done on wednesday, after i re-check the flow again. thanks a lot for reading comment & critics are more than welcome
Author:
ica_90Beta by:
antimiya88Pairing : Ohmiya, Slightly Juntoshi, members appearance
Rating : PG-13
Genre: twice I re-read the beta version, I cried. Either I’m too mess up or this is really angst. Friendship
Summary : When his bestfriend request for something, but even until the end of the man’s life, he didn’t fulfill his wish, Ohno lived in despair, regrets or maybe denial.
Disclaimer: who am I to own such successful idol as Arashi? I’m just a normal fangirl struggling to buy their released, goods and etc. all I have is imagination and words to connect until it form a fanfic.
Warning: character death!
Extra note: written for Camp NaNoWriMo along with encouragement from
shardaunei, nino1711azuki, riikushi. <3 you guys. “How can you draw someone else’s but not your own band mates’ portrait?” Nino asked him out of blue one day, making Ohno to halt his movement. He turned to his side and saw Nino, who was sitting next to him, looking at him with interest.
“Because it’s troublesome” Ohno replied casually, ignoring the pouting on Nino’s face. Slowly he turned back, making himself to complete his answer “portrait needs a lot of detail, focus. With you guys, I can never focus”
“Fine, then. If it is hard for you to draw us, draw only me”
Ohno chuckled.
“Don’t want to”
“Why not?”
“Because it’s troublesome… Please Nino. Please don’t make me repeat things twice”
Nino stopped there. Or that was what Ohno thought at first.
It took Nino a moment of silence before breaking it. His voice was almost a whisper, like a breeze but Ohno knew Nino for too long; for him to not to catch every single word that left the man’s mouth.
“One day, when you can’t see me anymore, you’ll regret your decision of saying no today, Oh-chan”
Ohno’s eyes widened.
“What- why are you saying this, Nino… It’s not like you’re going to die tomorrow”
“Maybe… Who knows?”
Ohno sighed. The man next to him refused to take a look anymore, focusing on the DS in his hand. Slowly, Ohno took the DS away from Nino’s hand; saving the game before Nino even manage to protest. He put the DS aside before making Nino look at his direction by cupping the man’s face with both his hands.
“You have a small face” Ohno said. Nino rolled his eyes. “Your eyes… hmmm... beautiful. And nose, pointed. I’m gonna remember this small mole here,” he said, poking his finger into Nino’s mole. The gamer tried to fend off his hand but Ohno, laughed before he quickly cupped his face again.
“And then, these lips” he said, brushing his thumbs against Nino’s lower lips. “…kissable. I’m sure thousands of fans would love to taste these lips”
“You’re talking nonsense, old man” Ohno laughed watching the man in front of him blushing embarrassed. “…and everything you’ve mentioned, doesn’t have anything to do with what I requested, Oh-chan”
“Of course it does, Nino. Geez! You’re not paying attention”
“Huh?”
“A portrait needs a lot of details Nino. If you draw one fast, without paying attention to the details, it will never be a portrait. It will turn into a caricature, just like the one I drew you last time in D no Arashi, remember?”
“Of course I do” Nino sighed, surrendering. Well, it wasn’t really a big deal though. “Never mind, Oh-chan. I guess, I’ll just give NTV a call for my caricature you had drawn back at that time” Nino said, taking his DS from the empty sit at Ohno’s other side before starting playing with it again.
“Fine then” Ohno sighed. “I’ll draw you one later”
Nino’s eyes show he was excited. Ohno sure he’s going to remember that one too.
“When?” Nino asked, trying to hide his excitement.
“Later… when I get my time, mood and inspiration again. But you have to promise me one thing”
Nino raised his eyebrows, questioning what could Ohno mean by that.
“Never, ever complain about how it turned out in the end”
Ohno could swear that the smile Nino flushed afterwards will always be the one he will never forget.
***
He won’t forget that smile. He literally promised that. But in the end, Nino was right. He regretted it because he couldn’t draw one that the other could see.
Nino is gone, away from him. Forever. Even when every corner in his house was filled with Nino’s portraits, Nino wouldn’t be able to see any of them anymore.
Ohno has lost the count of how many cans of beer he drank today. He didn’t even know if it was day or night; the only thing he’s been busy with is regretting while staring at the blank canvas in front of him. He had stopped counting how many canvases he has changed before starting with a new one, even when his own brain was telling him it’s of no use, since the one for whom the painting was created, would never have the chance to see it at all.
It felt like yesterday since Nino was gone; leaving Arashi as four, leaving the fans to mourn over his death. The image of Nino’s laugh, Nino’s smile while teasing him was still fresh in his mind, as if the man had never left. But no, Nino was gone and the only thing left behind now was painful memories.
His hand found the thrown from earlier brush on the floor. It had been long time since he had thrown that brush, feeling frustrated, almost of the same amount as the Nino of the portrait he had drawn. Nino’s face was all over the room, but Ohno couldn’t get over it. Drawing Nino had become an addiction to him; an addiction that he couldn’t stop.
His hand was shaking as he drew that line, the curve that was perfectly defining Nino’s facial shape. He closed his eyes, letting the image of Nino fill him inside. Tears were flowing out of his eyes as he continued on drawing with every detail he could remember.
***
They were best friends. No one understood how two people with so different personalities could create such a beautiful friendship.
It’s not like Ohno was really bothered when Nino started to bug him over the promise he had made again and again. But perhaps in that particular day, he wasn’t in the best mood. He was tired, along with the fact that there was a change in his working schedule filling his supposed off days with recordings.
Nino was the first to greet him that morning, slightly cheerful; something that caused Ohno to frown, as he remembered how Nino usually only minded his own business and greeted him back without even lifting his head from his DS during his usual routine. But Nino was different that day. His smile was sincere, though there was something that was bothering Ohno.
“Something good happened?” Ohno asked. Nino pouted a little making Ohno to frown as he saw that.
“I’ve been waiting for so long” Nino said, grinning like an idiot. “But since today is my birthday, can I have my portrait already?”
Ohno sighed.
“Nino… I’m not in the mood to draw anything. I’m sorry but not today, please?” he said, sort of begging the man.
But Nino was being annoying. So annoying that Ohno started to wonder why the man was so hyper. Nino kept asking for it, poking Ohno on his waist when the latter chose to ignore him.
And that was until Ohno had it enough.
“Stop it! What the hell is wrong with you? I thought you had already understood after all of this time! Why can’t you just get it? I can’t do something when I don’t feel like doing it”
Everything stopped at once; He felt cold; all of sudden it felt as if a small breeze blew on his nape, having four pairs of eyes staring at him with a frown on their face. Ohno knew he had said something that had hurt Nino’s feeling. Especially when he looked at Nino and saw the smile that was on his face from the moment Ohno had entered the room, gone, erased. There was only hurt on the other’s face at the moment.
“Nino, I mean-“
“It’s ok, Oh-chan” Nino cut, smiling at him even though it wasn’t as sincere as earlier. “I’ve been a bother. You don’t have to do it anymore”
Nino paused, biting his lips.
“It’s ok if you hate it. You don’t have to do it anymore”
“Nino... That’s not what I mean. I mean, I’m-“
“Stop…“ Nino stop him, showed his palm in front of Ohno. “It’s ok”
Ohno watched Nino making his way to the couch. From the way he was dragging his body Ohno could tell the disappointment that had built in him. He could perfectly figure it out. For God’s sake, they were best friends for more than 15 years. Words weren’t needed to express their feelings. He perfectly knew how Nino was dejected by what he had said. His mind was screaming to him that he had to apologize. But in the end, nothing left his mouth.
Once the work was finished, Nino didn’t even tell him goodbye; and Ohno lost the chance to greet him for his birthday. He couldn’t tell him Happy Birthday…
Never again…
****
Knocks on the door almost startled him.
Ohno could guess who was at the door. It has been a routine for them to visit him since that day. They took a turn to visit him, ensuring that he was fine.
He turned to take a glimpse at his visitor, smiling even though there were tears on his face.
“Matsujun, I drew your portrait yesterday. It’s over there, take a look, ne?” he said, pointing at one corner.
But Jun didn’t reply. The man was silent, standing silently behind him. But Ohno refused to look at him. He still had an unfinished portrait in front of him and he wanted to finish it today. And maybe he can start a new one after that, especially when another image of Nino distracting his mind while he was doing the current one.
“And, Matsujun, can you do me a favour? Can you send to Sho-chan and Aiba-chan their portrait too? I drew them last time but that time they were here, I haven’t finished theirs yet, so-“ he kept talking while his hand drew Nino’s. That was his promise; for himself to drew one for each of his band mates, while they can see it. Just because he didn’t want to regret it the way he regretted now.
Until he felt warmth; it was then that he realized that Jun had hugged him. Sobs were leaving the man’s mouth before a drop of tears fell on his shoulder.
Jun was crying. Just like that day, how Jun was crying silently at one corner of the room, his heart broken because of the sight in front of him.
****
Ohno thought it was a joke. Getting a call in the middle of the night when he already dreamt of something… horrific. It wasn’t the phone call that woke him up. The dream was.
He barely remembered what the dream was about. Or maybe he refused to remember as he rushed to pick up the phone...
But hearing the news from the person at the other end of the line was even worse than his dream earlier.
“Ohno-kun” his manager’s voice sounded shaken. “Could you please get ready in 10 minutes? I’ll explain to you everything on our way to the hospital”
Ohno frowned. It took him a moment to think until he replied to the man a simple ‘yes’. But his manager didn’t stop there. His next words sent him in an uneasiness that couldn’t stop him from having a bad feeling.
“I’m sorry” was what the man said and Ohno couldn’t send the uneasiness away.
The moment he stepped into the car, Ohno couldn’t bring himself to ask. His bad instinct stopped him from asking and the continuous phone calls the man kept answering while driving him towards their destination were telling him that something wasn’t right, yet he didn’t dare to ask. The only thing that he has courage to ask was…
“Where are we going?”
“To the hospital”
The answer kept him shut throughout the way. Even when they arrived at the so told place, he was hesitant to step out of the car. Numerous questions were rushing into his head. Who? What happened? How? They were circulating inside his head so much that he felt like throwing up everything.
He wasn’t sure how he managed to walk until the end. When they finally stopped, he could see their other managers were there; Even that old Johnny. His usual arrogant face wasn’t there, replaced by that frown that Ohno couldn’t come to describe.
Sho was the only member at the waiting area. Watching Sho’s eyes full of tears, Ohno still couldn’t bring himself to ask. In the end, he was just afraid to face any of the possibilities of what could have happened; something that could equal a loss to him or them. When Sho wrapped his arms around his shoulders, trying to lead him to the room at the end of the corridor, his legs refused to move. He didn’t want to.
“I don’t- who’s inside that room, Sho-kun?” he asked. “Where are the others?”
Sho’s voice was cracking when he replied.
“Jun and Aiba are inside, Ohno-kun. You have to be strong. We need you”
“Where’s Nino?” Sho’s eyes widen a bit but watching how curious Ohno was at the moment, Sho knew that this was going to be tougher for him. Explaining would take so much time, and they didn’t need it now; maybe later but definitely not now.
“Let’s go, Ohno-kun” he said, half dragging the man into the room.
As he stepped into the room, Jun was there at the corner of the room, embracing his legs as he buried his face onto them. He scanned the room and saw Aiba next to the bed, crying silently, his hands clenching on the white sheet that covered the body lying on the bed.
All of a sudden, his body jerked. Nino wasn’t there. He couldn’t find him anywhere in the room. Watching how much the other members had broken into tears, maybe he didn’t need to ask anymore.
He hated it. He was afraid of his own thoughts. His mind felt like shutting down but why were his legs making their way to the bed? Why was his hand freely holding that white sheet, pulling it off only to see a pale, motionless body of Nino underneath? No breath, no sound, no movement at all.
It couldn’t be happening, he said in his head.
“It can’t be” he repeated it aloud. “That guy looks like him, ne minna?”
No answer. A soft sob left Aiba’s mouth.
“Why are you guys crying? Ok, fine. Perhaps this is Nino… but he’s sleeping, see?” he said, holding Nino’s hand.
But then he realized. He knew Nino. A sleeping Nino wouldn’t be cold like this. They’ve cuddled a lot and he knew well the warmth of the man’s body. There’s no way a sleeping Nino could be this damn cold, this damn pale... white.
It was then he felt an embrace from behind and tear drops on his shoulder.
“Riidaa…” Jun’s voice stopped there. He could feel how the man was hiccupping against his back, his words stuck in his throat.
“What the hell is wrong with you guys? He’s not dead. It’s his birthday today. He’s not-“ his words stopped there when Aiba stand up from his seat, storming out the room, to cry out loud outside.
His sight was brought back to the body on the bed. No, he couldn’t believe it. He remembered how cheerful Nino was this morning, grinning when he told him about his birthday today. The image rushed from one to another like a screen player in front of him. But then another expression flew in: how Nino’s smile was replaced by that dejected look; how he made his way back to the couch, his shoulder slumping frustrated by what he had heard from Ohno. And then Ohno heard something in him; something breaking inside. It was perhaps his heart.
Sho was explaining everything to him; about the accident on their way home that Nino and his manager had. Nino was sitting at the front seat. Ohno barely heard the details but he did distinguish that the impact was so hard that Nino had flown out of the car when the windshield broke. Their manager ended up in coma and Nino…
Ohno refused to listen anymore.
He pulled Jun away harshly before turning to take a look at both Jun and Sho. For a moment, they fell silent, before Ohno breaking it with a smile.
“I’m heading home. Call me when he wakes up? I want to show him his portraits”
He left the room, ignoring Sho’s calls. It’s confusing. If Nino hasn’t died, then why did these tears keep falling?
And all of a sudden, he remembered the detail of the dream he had earlier.
Nino was waving him goodbye.
***
“Nino is not dead, Jun-kun”
“Riidaa-“
Ohno stands abruptly, pushing Jun away.
“I said he’s not dead! Look at all of the portraits I drew! I remember him. I know every single detail of his! If he was dead, I wouldn’t remember all of this, right?”
“It has been a year, riidaa. You should-“
“I can’t move on!” That’s when the tears started coming out of his eyes. “How can you ask me to move on Jun? I can’t- God. He didn’t even see all these portraits of him, Jun-kun; not even once”
He wailed. He struggled hard when Jun took him into his embrace but he failed. In the end, his legs failed him as he knelt onto the hard floor, crying hard in Jun’s embrace.
“I don’t want to forget him” he said. Jun rubbed his back a few times.
“You don’t have to, riidaa” Jun said, holding himself from breaking again. He shouldn’t. “He holds that special place in our heart after all”
***
2 years later…
It was his second exhibition. He couldn’t think of any other name except for one: ‘Faces’.
There were so many portraits of random people: a child he saw while sitting at the park last year, an old lady with a happy smile, an old man with a frown while thinking about something, the members and others. But almost a quarter of the collection was only Nino’s portraits.
At one corner of the exhibition, there was another portrait of Nino along with a blank canvas.
It wasn’t anything special about that canvas but for Sho, Aiba and Jun, was. They knew exactly what Ohno was trying to tell them: that no matter what, or maybe until the rest of his life, he will never stop drawing Nino.
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update for One More Chance will be done on wednesday, after i re-check the flow again. thanks a lot for reading comment & critics are more than welcome