ica_90

Title: Asking for Another Chance

Pairing: Sakumoto

Author: ica_90

Genre: romance, angst

Rating : pg-13

Summary: their past haunts him

Disclaimer: none of them are mine.

(unbetaed hence it contains a lot of annoying mistakes)

I didn’t know how long have I been staring at the youngest member of the group who was busy playing with his phone. At one point he can look so serious, before smiling reading the message he receives.

Seeing him, something stung my heart. Even how many times I try to chase the feeling away, it keeps coming back to me. Again and again that I finally give up, thinking that if I keep running from the truth, this feeling will keep coming, haunting me again and again.

Those sin that I made 10 years back starts to re-appear in my mind. Thinking how jerk I have been to him, using him for my own lust and dump him when i feel I should.

“I can’t accept your love, Matsumoto-san,” I said as I wear my clothes, not looking at him. “The things happened last night is a total mistake. Forget about it,” I said before went out from the room even my ears clear enough to hear sniffles coming out from the younger man that I leave behind.

The thing happens two years after Arashi was formed, many years after I heard he told everyone he idolize me. And being a jerk, I used what his feeling too… God, I’m such a jerk!

Some might have notice it. How he starts to stop idolizing me. How he starts to stop talking to me, getting nearer to me. We start to grow apart.

At first I thought I’m fine with it. I didn’t talk to him, not even once trying to begin. While he only talk to me when it’s about works, awkward, things get easier for me. But somehow it didn’t last long. After a certain time, I feel so empty. I keep watching the younger guy from distance.

I couldn’t help to not feel bad when I saw him happy, laughing along with another member’s joke. But what makes me felt worst is when he stops laughing when our eyes met each other. And for that, I, Sakurai Sho feel awkwardly annoyed by the mistakes I made.

Before I could realize, we’re now in our meeting room discussing our upcoming tour. It has been 11 years since that night I said those words to him. I didn’t really realized when he starts to talk back to me normally but what I realized is how I hurt I am seeing he grow up beautifully. But, regretting now means nothing. I wouldn’t get chance to make everything right again. Especially when I heard the rumors from the insider talking about his marriage.

“Sho-san!” I heard Aiba-chan whispers to me. I turn my face to him before I realized four set of eyes were set at me. Six actually, including our manager.

“gomen,” I said soft.

“Daijoubu, Sho-san? Are you sick? We can stop the meeting now,” Sho-san. He called me that… always. Not once he calls me Sho-chan. Like the other did. He already put a wall between us when he calls me that. But it’s not him to be blame, it’s me.

“Sho-san?” once again he calls, this time I can hear concern in his tone.

“gomen, I’m fine. Where are we just now?”

“your solo,”

I totally have no idea anymore, when my mind was too occupied with a person name Matsumoto Jun.

***

“otsukare,” I heard the members start to leave the room one by one, leaving me and Jun inside the room.

“You’ve been sighing too much today, Sho-san. Is there something bothering you?” he asks me after a while of silence occupying the room. I turn to look at him who is sitting in front of me now. Should I tell him? Should I say it aloud ‘you’re the problem I’m having right now”? Should i?

“nothing,” at last, it’s that word that I decided. “Nothing, really. Maybe, I’m just tired with works,” I said, trying to form a smile.

“you’re lying aren’t you?” I look at him who is now smirking, the usual way he always do. “your smile was fake. There’s something bothering you,”

I sigh. He won’t stop. Maybe people keep saying I’m the reliable one in the group. But when it comes to the matter concerning the member, it’s either Nino or him who always notices first. But the problem I’m having right now isn’t something that I can discuss openly, when I’m the one to begin with.

“maa, let’s go for a drink. It has been a long time since we do one, aren’t we?”

I didn’t reply, just nodding to his suggestion.

***

He always so passionate when he talks about works. It’s something that I really adore about him. It’s funny to think about it, when once upon a time, it was him who adoring me. But now, the situation has change.

“Sho-san! God, you really has problem aren’t you? just stop already,” he pulls the bottle away from me.

“I…want more,” I take back the bottle from him, pouring some more inside my glass and his. “let’s drink more Matsujun. I’m just into my mood to drink,”

He just shook his head.

“Ne, Matsujun…”

“hmm??”

“is it true? The rumors,” maybe the alcohol has taken me, but I know what I currently ask about. One of the things that bothering me.

“rumors?” he asks, a little confuse with my question.

“you.. marrying.. hiks,” and then I heard him laughing.

“is that what bothering you? Sho-san.. Even if I’m getting married, I won’t leave Arashi. Gosh! You guys have been thinking too much,” he chuckles before taking another sip from his glass.

“Aiba-chan asks the same thing to me this morning. Nino and Riida ask me yesterday. The same question. You guys are really something. Always together, even having the same problem,” he chuckles.

Why aren’t you looking at me, Jun? He keeps talking without looking at me. Are you still mad about last time? Have you really move on? Maybe he does. I suddenly remember the interview section we make a few years back. The question about he used to idolize me and what about now. And I clearly remember his answer to that. “I’m no longer a fan of Sakurai-san. I’m a fan of Arashi,” a statement that breaks me everytime I think about it.

“Goodness, sho-san. Are you ok?” he ask when I suddenly can’t control my balance before bang my head on the bar table. “I’m taking you home,” he puts a few notes on the table before pull my hands around his shoulders, half dragging me into his car.

Thing is going another way round. Last time is the same, just the position has changed.

“you’re drunk, Jun-kun. I’m taking you home,” he nodded.

We didn’t wait to arrive his house when I lean in, kissing him in the car.

“can you walk?” he asks once his car stops in front of my apartment. I nod.

Still broken by his words about his marriage, and the memories I had about the answer he gave during his interview, I open the door, heading to my apartment, not looking when his car drive away.

I try to stabilize myself before my foot stumble on the floor difference, before I fall head first on the hard floor.

“Sho-san!! Daijoubu??” he comes back, I thought. “God, you shouldn’t be saying you’re fine when you already drink four bottles!” once again, my hand around his shoulder.He searches my keys inside my pocket before opened my apartment door, taking me inside my house.

“have a good rest, sho-san,” he says once he successful makes me to my bed room. I could feel he put the blanket, covering me up.

Something inside me forces me to do something. I want him. So much that it’s driving me crazy. Before he could reaches my bed room door, I pulled him, press him against the wall before kissing him hungrily.

I might drunk, but I still realized what I’m doing. I could feel how he struggles to pull me away. But as he tried, I force him more to deepen my kiss, before he finally gives up.

“Gomen, Jun-kun. gomen,” I didn’t know what am I apologizing for but I keep repeating the same word while unbuttoning his shirts, kissing his neck before move to his chest.

“Sh-,” I didn’t let him finished when I kissed him again with he moaned with every touch I make.

***

When I wake up the next morning, he was there sleeping peacefully facing me. I didn’t think twice when I touch his cheek causing him to wake up, looking at me. I can’t read what he currently feels at the moment. Is he mad? Is he hurt? He shows nothing. Just then…

“ohayou,” he greets me, making me feels even more worst seeing his smile.

“How are you doing? You’re so drunk last night,” he said while sitting, legs hanging from the bed.

“jun-kun.. I..”

“it’s ok. People don’t really think rationally when they’re drunk,” my throat feels so dry that I can’t continue to say what I really want to say, to ask him to not go. To not get married. To tell him how I love him right now that I want him forever.

“you should have a good rest Sho-san,” he said while wearing all his clothes. Still not looking at me. “I need to go now, see you again next time, ne,” he smiles looking at me.

As he about to step away, I grab his hand with myself still on the bed. He turn, looks at me confuse.

“Jun, please…“ I beg, not minding to hold my tears anymore. Knowing if I let him go this time, I’ll lose him forever.

“Sho-san…”

“please don’t go. I need you,” I paused, trying to find the right word. “I want you. My heart aches whenever I see you, unable to be like before. Unable to reach you,”

“it has been too long, Sho-san. I’ve… forget it,” he says, pausing at some words.

“But I can’t forget it. Every single day, whenever I think about it, I felt worst. Please… give me another chance. I need you. I’ll promise you I will treasure you, the way you treasure me before.”

He looks at me once. His face shows nothing. I didn’t know if I already tell him everything. But I really hope I did. There’s a lot more to tell him, but having this very short time, I just tell him what I feel, hoping with that very small content, he will understand.

But then, I feel him pulling my grip away. As I took a look at him, he was stepping towards my bedroom door. At that time, I knew I lost. I buried my face on my palm as I heard the sound of the door closing. I lost him. Forever. It’s what I deserve. For wasting someone loves on me before.

“Just sleep, Sho-san. You need it. You really need it,” I look at the person who speaks to me those words. My eyes couldn’t believe it, he didn’t go. He’s there, standing in front of me.

Slowly, he pushes me back on the bed, before pull out his shirts, leaving only his jean, before joining me.

I keep telling this is not real, but when I feel his hand wrapping my waist, I know it is real. I turn my face facing him, before he greets me with another smile.

“I seriously want to punch the face of the person who brings the rumors about me getting married,” he gives a peck of kiss on my forehead before continuing, “but I seriously need to tell him thanks,”

I look at him, confuse by his words.

“Because of the rumors, you got to tell me about your feeling now.. And for that, I’m greatly appreciate,”

I didn’t know what I should say anymore. A trace of tear still could be feel on my cheeks when suddenly he wipe them off for me.

“I won’t marry anyone, Sho-san. Because it’s only you, and always be you in my heart. Forever”

***

first attemps on writing SakuMoto. first attempt to imagine all that bedroom things.. i know i fail.. hence it comes that way.. between, i always worst to decided on genre and rating... so, sorry to all readers if it didn't come to what you have expect by reading the tagging... yoroshiku