unbetaSeven – Hormones Effect and InsecuritiesMy left hand was holding the spoon to the hamburger while my other hand was holding the chopstick, eating the rice and other dishes that Jun ordered for me. “Is it normal for me to feel extra hungry?”
“Abnormal,” jun replied, eyes widen as he observed me eating. “I mean, you don’t really eat. But I guess the baby needs it so, maybe it is normal. Did Ohno-san feed you properly?”
I clicked my tongue.
“can’t you see? For god sake, the doctor has warned me to control my meal. I gain five kilos in one month. Thanks to that ojiisan. The baby must have followed his gene. I’m getting fatter!” I said with my mouth full with the food. “why aren’t you eat anything, J?”
Jun shook his head. I observed him for a while, watching how he was splitting his chopstick, muttering ‘ittadakimasu’. But before he could touch my hamburger, I quickly pushed his hand away.
“don’t touch mine, I’m hungry. Go order another one,”
Jun snickered, clicking his tongue.
“and you’re the one inviting me for dinner,” he mumbled. I couldn’t help chuckling.
“sorry not sorry, J. I’m hungry. I’m a pregnant man who need more foods for more energy. And besides I just need to meet you,”
Jun raised an amusing eyebrows. “why is that so?”
“well, they say if you want a handsome child, keep looking at the handsome man. well, you’re handsome. So… no argument,”
“baka!” Jun replied, laughing a little. Nino and his logic, he thought.
“besides J, I have something else to ask,”
“huh?”
“is it normal for a pregnant man to be- umm- extra horny?”
“how should I know. I never give birth to one, idiot,” Jun replied, laughing when he saw I pouted. “Why don’t you asked Sho-san. I’m sure he didn’t give birth to one but I’m sure he will give his special ichimen for you on that topic,”
I rolled his eyes. “don’t want to. It’s gonna be boring,” Once again, Jun laughed, unable to contain his amusement.
But then, he stopped.
“me being handsome wasn’t the reason why you wanna meet me, isn’t it? That empty eyes of yours did tell me you wanna say something else. So why don’t you spill it now before I leave you alone here?”
I smirk. But when he makes a move as if he’s gonna leave me here alone, I stopped him.
“ok. I’ll tell you. But promised me that you won’t laugh,”
“why would I laugh?”
“because you often do that just to ease me. But lately I’m just so sensitive that I might misunderstand you,”
“you’re ridiculous,” he said.
“what?”I shot a question. “I’m stating the truth,”
“whatever. Now, what is it?”
I lowered my head. I put both the chopstick and my spoon properly on the table, started to rub my hand together again and again before I heard the man in front of me heaved a sigh.
“you know Nino, I think Oh-chan is the one who are most worried about you. Well, he’s spacing out all the time, but nowadays, it doubled. No talking, just frowning,” Jun said, taking a sip from his glass. He lifted up his head, facing me.
“I don’t know what’s troubling you. Unless you told me, I might not be able to help you,”
I sighed. Leaned back at the chair, I started.
“I’m just not that sure anymore if he’s going to love me once the baby is born,”
“Why not?” Jun shot a question, frowning.
“He’s a man, jun. all man will like to have a perfect partner for them. And did he tell you that they gonna cut my stomach to pull the baby out?”
“You’re exaggerating, Nino,” Jun replied. “And you’re being ridiculous. Now if you give me some times, I’m gonna put back some sense into your messy head,”
I stayed silent for a while waiting for him to continue again.
“let me make a random guess before I start. So you thought that Riida’s going to leave you just because you have a scar on your stomach for giving birth to his own child?” I slightly nodded. He chuckled.
“Geez, Nino. I could list down everything that Riida has accepted in you in order to make your relation with him works. your snarky remarks, your bratty attitude, your give-me-my-space time, your embarrassed tease on him, your back pain problem, everything and you guys stayed for almost a decade. So you think that silly scar gonna break that love he have for you? it wasn’t him, but it is you who are supposed to accept for who you are,”
Again, nothing left my mouth as a replied. Jun was right, I was insecure enough. I couldn’t get those thought away from my head that one day that lover of my life will leave me when he was bored of me. True love doesn’t last forever, and the thoughts hurt a lot.
“What matters for him now, Nino isn’t on how you’re gonna look. And to be honest, Oh-chan doesn’t even care if the baby doesn’t survive. I know that makes him looks like a complete jerk, but I kinda understand it when he said if the baby is the source to your sadness or will harm you in any way, it’s much better to not have one. He want you to survive, that’s all he could think now. And Nino, that makes him worried as hell!”
“I don’t know what to do, J,” I said, after a while of silent. “Everything was too fast. I’m on my 22
nd week. 2 weeks left and I’m not ready. I’m freak out,”
“Of course. Everyone is. I want to be realistic to you and saying ‘you should try your best’ doesn’t sound like one. But everyone was praying for your safety though. So please, stay alive and fine, that is enough, for him and for us,”
In the end, I could only nod as an answer. Everyone was worried for me, I shouldn’t let my exaggerating thoughts messing up with me.
But if it ever happen; if I survive and Oh-chan leave me again, will I survive my whole life?
Countless time in that two weeks, I cried again.
***********************************
“tadaima,” his cheerful voice great me as I entered the house. my lips could only form a weak smile. “so how is your day with Jun? He didn’t nagged at you did he?”
I make my way to the long couch, took my seat there. I felt so tired, the thoughts and the day out tired me. But then I felt pressure on the seat next to me before I felt Oh-chan’s hand wrapping along my shoulders.
“I miss you,”
Chuckling, I replied. “It’s only hours I left, Oh-chan. and you already miss me?”
He nodded. “I wonder how it felt for you when I left you for a month last time,”
“felt like hell,” I stayed silent for a while. Leaning my head on his shoulder, I continue. “I love you, Oh-chan. please don’t leave me again,”
He chuckled. “I thought I already convince you last time that I never mean to leave you?”
Nah, satoshi, you never convinced that at the very first place. Maybe what makes me accept you back into my life was because I’m just desperate to have someone by my side while carrying this little life in me.
I never responded to his words. I was just enjoying being in his embrace.
“I will always stay by your side, kazu,” he said, kissing me on the top of my head. “I will never leave you, remember that,”
I hum a reply. “is it true Oh-chan? Jun said that you don’t care about the baby,”
He was hesitating at first, I’m sure enough he was trying to find an answer that won’t hurt me. When he answer it, it sounds much convincing than I ever thought.
“it’s not that I don’t care about him, Kazu,” he sighed once before continue again. “I’m just afraid of losing you. if something happened and I have to choose, it’s fine for me to lose the child but not you,”
“you won’t regret it?” he shook his head.
“I won’t. but if I lose you in the process of delivering the baby, I’m not going to take care of him,”
“NO!” I snapped. “you’re the father to the baby, Oh-chan. how could you decided such a selfish decision?”
“and putting the whole blame on him later on?” he shot me back a question. “I can’t take care of something that cause me to lose you!”
“you’re selfish! If he lose me, one of his parent, he shouldn’t lose you as well! you-“
And then I stopped. I felt like my blood is rushing down, my heart was beating as fast as I felt like it’s going to burst. If the thought of giving birth by caesarean last time horror me, what happened now was doubled the horror.
The whole world around me felt like spinning, I couldn’t stand nor sit. It’s the time.
I could see panic written on Oh-chan’s face. He didn’t realize it yet. My sudden silent must have make him noticed something. Before he could ask, I already answered him.
“Oh-chan, I think my water just broke,”
___________________________________________________________________________
i got too carried away with this one, i'll just drop the drabble and let this as chaptered.
this is supposed to be a very light fic, crack here and there but something happened (thanks to anon) and it makes me have a lot of ideas to be put inside the fic. it's getting longer but still will end on the 10th chapter.
see ya~
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