[oneshot] Where'd You Go - Ohmiya
Oct. 19th, 2013 06:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ica_90Title:Where’d You Go /AO3
Author:Ica_90
Pairing:Ohmiya
Rating:pg
Genre: AU, light angst, fluff at the end
Summary: Where’d you go,
I miss you so,
Seems like it’s been forever
That you’ve been gone.
Note: requested by![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
riikushi. Based on the song “Where’d you go’ by fort minor
(unbeta-ed)
Where’d you go,
I miss you so,
Seems like it’s been forever
That you’ve been gone.
Nino drives his car in silent. The song plays in the radio inside his car somehow reminds him of someone. The song pictures perfectly his life with that certain someone his mind now.
They were once a lover. “A perfect couple who has been destined since forever” was what people say. Their character just perfectly opposite from each other. While Ohno is the quite one, loves drawing, minding his own business, Nino’s a loud person, voice out his thoughts independently, and he loves games way too much that it’s annoying.
But Nino loves Ohno because of that quality of his. So does Ohno. Ohno never nag at him for his love at games like everyone else, and Nino doesn’t disturb him when he saw his bestfriend was too absorbed into drawing. He let him be.
And when one day Ohno decided to tell the younger one he loves him, Nino doesn’t feel reluctant to say he loves him too. He waited for those words for so long. But Ohno only said it out loud before he went to Tokyo, to be one successful singer, leaving Nino in their hometown, watching his successful lover being love by everyone else from a far.
He misses him. So misses him. Even though there’s nothing between them now.
She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
A long distance relationship needs a lot of patience, trust and loyalty. Nino knows he should have all those quality in him when he says ‘I love you too,” to the man. But he never thought that it will be so hard.
It has been 3 years. And it always the same routine. Maybe for the beginning, when Ohno was less busy with his activities, Nino received tones of call from the older man. Sometimes he whines due to the lot of calls, but most of the times he loves it. He missed his lover.
Nino couldn’t really tell when it was when he suddenly received less call from the older man. Maybe it was a year after, when Ohno only calls him twice a week, and the next six months twice a month.
“I’m busy,” was what Ohno said when he voiced it out. But Nino could only give him plain chuckles.
“I know,” he replied.
“But I miss you. That’s why I call,” Nino laughed. Ohno always be so blunt with whatever he wanted to say. He didn’t think twice, makes Nino always believed that the old man was always sincere about his feeling.
“I miss you too. That’s why I’m answering your call,” he heard a laughs from the end of the line. Nino laughed too. “So how’s your life?”
And then Ohno started to blabber about his routine. About how he has a song recording in the morning, rushing to photoshoot in the afternoon, attending a variety show recording in the evening, and another one at night. He practically listen to the same routine almost every time Ohno called.
But Nino never get bored. Somehow, listening to Ohno’s voice gives him the strength, the courage to him to continue this impossible relationship.
“Kazu, I’m so tired. Can we stop for now? I need to sleep. My schedule for tomorrow quite full. I’ll call you again tomorrow ne,”
Nino doesn’t even manage to say anything when he heard a ‘click’ sound at the end of the line. He sighed. Ohno doesn’t even ask about him. Somehow, he feels sad.
And Ohno only calls him after a month.
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
When he called him a month after, Nino barely remember what they’ve been talking about. But he sure they have fought because the next morning he woke up, he felt his cheeks wet, not to mention, his eyes swollen, maybe because of crying.
He didn’t remember a lot of detail at first. But after a while he tried, he remember them. And it’s really throbbing his heart.
He should have known that being an idol’s lover will need his patience. But it is way too much for him to bear when one day in that month, he read a newspaper with his lover scandal on it.
“Ohno Satoshi caught going out with an AV actress,”
How should he keeps standing in this relation? It’s not once, not even twice. It has been countless times Ohno has done this, breaking his heart all over again.
“It’s not my fault Nino. Peoples speculating that I’m a gay and the company can keep that overly speculate. They come out with that plan,”
“You know you can say no, Oh-chan,”
“And you know that will be the end of my career,” Nino sighed. It’s always the same words. His career. It’s not that he being selfish, but sometimes he can’t help to wonder if he really means anything to the singer.
“Don’t start, Kazunari. Don’t you even try to cry,” Ohno voice at the end of the line sounds annoyed. Nino tried as hard as he could, hiding his feeling, somehow, he choked.
“Did your career mean everything for you, Oh-chan? What about me?”
“That’s selfish, kazu! You know I can’t choose between you and my career. Both are important for me. It’s my dream to be a successful singer and it’s my dream to have you in my life!”
“If it is your dream to have me, avoid doing things that can hurt me, Satoshi!” and then he end the line.
Nino doesn’t want to be the controlling type of boyfriend. He loves Ohno, so much that he wants to see him happy. That’s the reason why he let Ohno to achieve his dream, and every single day he prays for his lover to be successful. But, this was the third time Ohno involves with this type of scandal. He just can’t take it anymore.
And Ohno hasn’t come home for a very long time. He missed him and the news makes him jealous even more. They’re far away and Ohno was cheating behind his back. That’s what he thought.
He sighs once before takes a medicine to control his headache. It’s not so long after that when his phone ringing and ohno’s name displayed on the screen.
“Kazu… Last night…”
“I’m sorry,” he cuts the older man. “I shouldn’t say those words to you,”
I’m sorry. Every single time Ohno involved in a scandal, Nino always be the one to apologize. But not even a single word that has the same meaning Ohno ever said to Nino.
“It’s OK,” both of them lost their words.
“Oh-chan.. I…”
“I’m coming home this week. I’ll see you tomorrow, Ok? I miss you. I’ve got work to do now. Talk to you later,”
“I miss you too,” But Ohno doesn’t hear it. He has cut the line before Nino could said it.
You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, and I'm plannin' to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
“It’s not gonna be long though. I’m here for weekend. Then I need to get back for another recording on Monday,” Nino smiles, entwined their fingers together. They walk along the park, enjoying the evening scene together.
“How’s your life, kazu?”
“Nothing special. It might be a little too late though, but I’m applying for college,”
Ohno nodded a little.
“I hope it’s gonna be in Tokyo. You can live with me,”
“Wouldn’t that be troublesome? I mean, with all the paparazzi chasing you for breaking news, I’m gonna be another trouble for you isn’t it?” Ohno laughed.
“I guess so right… but I think it’s fine. I mean I can say that you’re a friend from my hometown, staying together right. I mean we’re the same gender, it won’t give so many trouble, right?”
“I guess so,” Nino shrugged before the two of them fell silent.
None of them said anything along their way back to their house until they pass through an area. They used to spend their time together there before. So many beautiful and bad memories that they have created here.
Maybe they have the same thinking at the moment that they end up laughing.
“Remember those time we used to do the barbeque here? My mum was really mad that time as I took out the bbq set without her permission,”
“Yes. And my mum was so furious because I took out the meat without her permission,”
“That’s one scary moment. They just stand behind us, watching us eating all those food before my mum pulls my ears,”
“And then I pull you away from her, running away from them, hiding in the park,”
“And we fell asleep there,” they laughs. “I’m pretty sure we cause a chaos because everyone in the neighborhood helps them to find us after that,”
They laughed for quite a time, remembering all those childhood memories. After a moment, their laughter died. Nino took Ohno’s hand into his entwining their fingers together before lean his head on the older man shoulders.
“I miss those times,” he said as they walk home.
“I know…”
“Maybe we can make another barbeque session at my house during Christmas?”
This time, Ohno shook his head. They stop walking before Ohno makes Nino facing him
“It’s gonna be snow, kazu...” Nino saw the older man bites his lower lip. “And my schedule full for…”
“I know,” Nino doesn’t even look at the older man face. He kept looking down, trying to find something that might interest him there. “It’s ok. Maybe next time,”
But Ohno doesn’t see the hurt in those words.
“Maybe next time,” here, nino wonder if he ever had enough this.
I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
Everyone should be happy during the eve. He watched as the children running in front of him, and the adults laughing over silly stories that have been told.
But a smile just couldn’t form on his lips. He’s lonely and he knew it.
Before he knew, someone shoved a plate of food into his hand. Nino turned to look at the person.
“Alone. Again,” Jun remarks before took his seat next to him.
“Shut up!” he replied barely heard by the other man.
“Tell me, Kazu. I’m not trying to incite you here, but how long should you keep it this way? I mean, when is the last time you make sex with him?”
“What the- “he stopped before he continued the next words. “It’s so unrelated and it’s none of your business Jun!”
“It is my business! Because you’re my friend. And I can’t keep watching my best friend being treated like he’s not exist,”
Nino fell silent. Jun was right after all. To Ohno, did he really mean anything to him?
“I love him, Jun,”
“And if he really loves you back, at least he should treat you properly. Not by letting you live like this,”
Jun’s telling him that maybe the older man doesn’t love him.
“It’s not that what I mean…” Jun sighs, patting his best friend shoulder. “But you deserves better,”
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...
That one final day, he had enough.
He’s been thinking on how to break the news to Ohno. He knows it’ll be tough, but it’s tougher for Nino too.
“It’s in America. Full scholarship. I can’t say no,”
“Kazu… why don’t we try to discuss about this?” he could heard a sound of desperate from the end of the line. “It’s too far away,”
Nino chuckled.
“But I feel that we’re so far even if I’m staying here, Satoshi,” he remarked sarcastically. “With you busy with your work, and we barely talk once a month…”
“You know I’m busy with my…”
“Work,” he cuts him. “I know, I already said that,”
“You’re being unreasonably selfish, kazunari. Yes, I left you there, alone. But I’m still in the country. We can still connected by phone,”
“We still can connect through phone, Oh-chan,”
“The telephone bill will be high. Kazu…”
“A singer who sold millions, but can’t even pay for more. I didn’t ask you to call me every day, Oh-chan. nothing will change. Even when I’m here, you only call me once a month,”
Silent.
“It will be tough,” the older man mumbled, clear enough to be heard by the younger man.
“This relation, Oh-chan. since the beginning. It’s always tough. I know I’ll sound selfish here, but in this relation, it’s me who sacrificed a lot. I bear those hurts you gave me again and again. I let you leave for your dream, bearing all the hurt by those scandals you made, waiting for your call every now and then. Waiting for you to come back. I bear all those alone,”
“kazu…”
“I can’t even call you if I miss you because you’re busy with your work,” he didn’t let the older man to speak even one point. Deep inside his heart, the burden he’s been holding starts to ease. He felt relieved even though he knew that Ohno might already take offence by his words by now.
“I think…” he paused, thinking if it is the right time to say it loud. “I’ve had enough with your career. Let’s break up,”
“Kazunari…”
“I let you go once, for you to achieve whatever you’ve dream to be. And you’ve got it now. it’s time for you to let me go for me to grab my own dream…”
At first Nino waited for the older man to answer. But something snapped inside him.
He loved Ohno. He always loves Ohno despite all the things happened between them. Despite the loneliness, jealousy, hurts that he had in this relationship. But he just can’t do it anymore.
He knew if Ohno ever say something like “please don’t go” again, he’ll surrender to the man’s request.
He hung up the call before Ohno could say a word.
Where’d you go,
I miss you so,
Seems like it’s been forever
That you’ve been gone.
Please come back home…
“Kazu,”
For once in these three months, he never feels as much shock as today. He was just drives his car into the pouches, locking it before went to his house yard to see Ohno’s now standing in front of him, at his house, in the middle of the night. His eyebrows furrows watching the man who’s looking exhausted and anxious, even how hard he tries to hide it with his smile.
“Oh-chan…” he can’t believe his eyes. Their last talked was 3 months ago, after he breaks the news to Ohno, they day he asked for the end of their relationship. Ohno never calls back, and he never tells him any answer regarding his request.
“Kazu… I…”
“Welcome back,” he speaks, trying to sound cheerful to hide his nervousness. “Come in. I still have some packing to do. My flight gonna be early in the morning. I don’t want to leave anything important,”
He opens his door before walks into the house before his hand being grabbed by the older man. Nino turns to look at him.
They keep staring at each other without a word left their mouth. Nino can’t deny it. He misses the man. He still loves the man that he wants to be in his embrace or even kiss him hard to tell the older man how much he misses him.
But he tells his mind to stop before he could think more about it.
“Come in, Oh-chan. i…”
“Why do you have to go? There’s so many other college in Tokyo that you can attend. We even discuss it before that you can live with me there. Distance is the problem in our relationship, why are you trying to widen it?”
Nino breaks free from the singer’s grip. He sighs once before pulling the older man into his house.
“It’s just a reason to break up with you,” Nino says after a while of silent they created.
“Because I leave you here?” Ohno asks. He grabs the younger arms, forcing him to face him. “You want to punish him because I leave you here alone, don’t you? Because I neglected you all this time. Isn’t it?”
Nino gulped down his saliva, thinking of a better word. Before he knows, Ohno’s now embracing him as tight as he could. No matter how hard Nino struggles to break free.
“Don’t go…” Nino suddenly feels something wet on his shoulder. The singer is crying, he thought. And then he hears the older man sobs, confirming what he thought just now.
There’s no sign that the singer wants to let him go. He tries to push him, but Ohno just hugs him as tight as he could, not want to let him go.
“I’ve been a jerk. I know it. I know all of this time that you’re lonely, but I don’t consider all of your feelings. I know you’ve hurt by my selfish attitude. But after what you’ve said… I just know that I can’t live without you, Kazu,”
“Satoshi…”
“Please. I know I’ve been selfish before. Please don’t do the same,”
“And here, you’re being selfish. Again!” Nino snaps causing Ohno to fall silent. Slowly he let go of the gamer before he let out a heavy sigh. Nino leaves the older man at the living room while he heading to the kitchen, comeback with 2 cans of beer. He hands one to the singer before open another one for him, taking a sip before talking again.
“You don’t even asked, Oh-chan,”
“Hmm?” the older man confuses.
“My major,” Ohno looks at him, obviously more confuses than before. Nino sighs. “Performing Arts. Music,”
But Ohno still didn’t get a grab on what Nino’s trying to say, somehow it makes Nino annoys, thinking how dumb his lover can be.
“You know…” Nino pauses, taking another sip from his can before continue again. “We’ve been talking about our dreams, hopes for the future isn’t it? We talk about it a lot. Ever since our childhood. We talk about it a lot,”
He pauses, waiting for Ohno to say anything. But the older man speaks nothing. He just listens.
“And then you leave for Tokyo. Achieving your dream to be a singer. And I stuck here, waiting for my time, my luck to come,”
Ohno is still silent.
“Those childhood dream, where I want to be a game developer… has no longer become one, Oh-chan,” he walks towards the older man before settles next to him on the couch. He takes Ohno’s hand into his while Ohno reflect towards the touch by looking at him.
“My dream now is to be with you,”
“But you’re going…”
“To achieve my dream,” Nino cuts him. “I wanna be with you. So much that I think the only way for me to do that is by working with you in a team,”
Ohno turns to face his lover completely. Part of him still does not understand, maybe because he refuses to understand, but he keeps listening to the younger one.
“Hence I need to go. I need to learn so that I can produce a good music for you. So that there’ll be no other reason to separate us. I need to go Oh-chan. and I need my lover blessing,”
Ohno finally understand. Slowly, he cups his lover cheeks, caressing it lovingly. They let the silent fills the surroundings, enjoying their intimate moments together.
“I’ll help you pack,” Ohno says out of blue before pulling his lover towards his bedroom.
They didn’t talk while packing Nino’s stuff. Not until they finish packing when Ohno asks again.
“Will you write to me?”
“Everyday… every night. If possible…” Nino laughs when he sees Ohno pouts. He walks towards the singer, putting his hand around Ohno’s nape.
“You’re not breaking up with me?” Ohno asks before Nino could smash their lips together. Nino groans to the question.
“Make love to me and I’ll tell you if you’re s**k enough, that I need a break up,”
Ohno laughs hearing his lover answer. His bratty lover. And he know he won’t lose.
By the next day, Ohno accompany Nino to the airport, watches him leaves.
***
Epilogue
Fans POV
“Ne ne, look at this,” the girl says, pushing the CD to her other friend. “Oh-chan new single,”
Watching the cover on the CD, both of the fangirls giggle.
“Kakkoii ne, Oh-chan,”
“He is right,” the two fangirls keeps on analyzing the cover silently before one of them notice something that catches her attention.
“Ne, ne. look,” she points at the details.
Title: You Who Stay by Myside
Lyrics: Ohno Satoshi
Music: Ninomiya Kazunari
“They said he wrote this song for his lover,”
“Really??”
“They even said that the one who do the music is his lover,” the two fangirls conversation is disturbed by a man. He wears a cap, covering half of his face causing the girls unable to see his face.
“Really??? Isn’t that a cute combination?? Lovers writing music together,” the girl replies causing the man to smile, even though his face is still covered by the cap he wear.
“Have you heard the song? It’s lovely. Somehow it’s different from before,”
“Yeah… it’s sweet and really nice music to hear. The arrangement is good too,” the second fangirl replies.
“Of course. Ninomiya-san is a final year student in music. In US,” the man replies causing the two fangirl to take another look at him.
“Where did you get the info? Are you a fan?” the girl asks out of curiousity.
“Not really…” the man lifts up his cap, revealing his face. “I’m the lover to that music arranger,”
It takes the two girls a moment, until the man leave the music store for them to realize that they’re talking to the real Ohno Satoshi.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Author:Ica_90
Pairing:Ohmiya
Rating:pg
Genre: AU, light angst, fluff at the end
Summary: Where’d you go,
I miss you so,
Seems like it’s been forever
That you’ve been gone.
Note: requested by
riikushi. Based on the song “Where’d you go’ by fort minor (unbeta-ed)
Where’d you go,
I miss you so,
Seems like it’s been forever
That you’ve been gone.
Nino drives his car in silent. The song plays in the radio inside his car somehow reminds him of someone. The song pictures perfectly his life with that certain someone his mind now.
They were once a lover. “A perfect couple who has been destined since forever” was what people say. Their character just perfectly opposite from each other. While Ohno is the quite one, loves drawing, minding his own business, Nino’s a loud person, voice out his thoughts independently, and he loves games way too much that it’s annoying.
But Nino loves Ohno because of that quality of his. So does Ohno. Ohno never nag at him for his love at games like everyone else, and Nino doesn’t disturb him when he saw his bestfriend was too absorbed into drawing. He let him be.
And when one day Ohno decided to tell the younger one he loves him, Nino doesn’t feel reluctant to say he loves him too. He waited for those words for so long. But Ohno only said it out loud before he went to Tokyo, to be one successful singer, leaving Nino in their hometown, watching his successful lover being love by everyone else from a far.
He misses him. So misses him. Even though there’s nothing between them now.
She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone
A long distance relationship needs a lot of patience, trust and loyalty. Nino knows he should have all those quality in him when he says ‘I love you too,” to the man. But he never thought that it will be so hard.
It has been 3 years. And it always the same routine. Maybe for the beginning, when Ohno was less busy with his activities, Nino received tones of call from the older man. Sometimes he whines due to the lot of calls, but most of the times he loves it. He missed his lover.
Nino couldn’t really tell when it was when he suddenly received less call from the older man. Maybe it was a year after, when Ohno only calls him twice a week, and the next six months twice a month.
“I’m busy,” was what Ohno said when he voiced it out. But Nino could only give him plain chuckles.
“I know,” he replied.
“But I miss you. That’s why I call,” Nino laughed. Ohno always be so blunt with whatever he wanted to say. He didn’t think twice, makes Nino always believed that the old man was always sincere about his feeling.
“I miss you too. That’s why I’m answering your call,” he heard a laughs from the end of the line. Nino laughed too. “So how’s your life?”
And then Ohno started to blabber about his routine. About how he has a song recording in the morning, rushing to photoshoot in the afternoon, attending a variety show recording in the evening, and another one at night. He practically listen to the same routine almost every time Ohno called.
But Nino never get bored. Somehow, listening to Ohno’s voice gives him the strength, the courage to him to continue this impossible relationship.
“Kazu, I’m so tired. Can we stop for now? I need to sleep. My schedule for tomorrow quite full. I’ll call you again tomorrow ne,”
Nino doesn’t even manage to say anything when he heard a ‘click’ sound at the end of the line. He sighed. Ohno doesn’t even ask about him. Somehow, he feels sad.
And Ohno only calls him after a month.
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
When he called him a month after, Nino barely remember what they’ve been talking about. But he sure they have fought because the next morning he woke up, he felt his cheeks wet, not to mention, his eyes swollen, maybe because of crying.
He didn’t remember a lot of detail at first. But after a while he tried, he remember them. And it’s really throbbing his heart.
He should have known that being an idol’s lover will need his patience. But it is way too much for him to bear when one day in that month, he read a newspaper with his lover scandal on it.
“Ohno Satoshi caught going out with an AV actress,”
How should he keeps standing in this relation? It’s not once, not even twice. It has been countless times Ohno has done this, breaking his heart all over again.
“It’s not my fault Nino. Peoples speculating that I’m a gay and the company can keep that overly speculate. They come out with that plan,”
“You know you can say no, Oh-chan,”
“And you know that will be the end of my career,” Nino sighed. It’s always the same words. His career. It’s not that he being selfish, but sometimes he can’t help to wonder if he really means anything to the singer.
“Don’t start, Kazunari. Don’t you even try to cry,” Ohno voice at the end of the line sounds annoyed. Nino tried as hard as he could, hiding his feeling, somehow, he choked.
“Did your career mean everything for you, Oh-chan? What about me?”
“That’s selfish, kazu! You know I can’t choose between you and my career. Both are important for me. It’s my dream to be a successful singer and it’s my dream to have you in my life!”
“If it is your dream to have me, avoid doing things that can hurt me, Satoshi!” and then he end the line.
Nino doesn’t want to be the controlling type of boyfriend. He loves Ohno, so much that he wants to see him happy. That’s the reason why he let Ohno to achieve his dream, and every single day he prays for his lover to be successful. But, this was the third time Ohno involves with this type of scandal. He just can’t take it anymore.
And Ohno hasn’t come home for a very long time. He missed him and the news makes him jealous even more. They’re far away and Ohno was cheating behind his back. That’s what he thought.
He sighs once before takes a medicine to control his headache. It’s not so long after that when his phone ringing and ohno’s name displayed on the screen.
“Kazu… Last night…”
“I’m sorry,” he cuts the older man. “I shouldn’t say those words to you,”
I’m sorry. Every single time Ohno involved in a scandal, Nino always be the one to apologize. But not even a single word that has the same meaning Ohno ever said to Nino.
“It’s OK,” both of them lost their words.
“Oh-chan.. I…”
“I’m coming home this week. I’ll see you tomorrow, Ok? I miss you. I’ve got work to do now. Talk to you later,”
“I miss you too,” But Ohno doesn’t hear it. He has cut the line before Nino could said it.
You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, and I'm plannin' to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
“It’s not gonna be long though. I’m here for weekend. Then I need to get back for another recording on Monday,” Nino smiles, entwined their fingers together. They walk along the park, enjoying the evening scene together.
“How’s your life, kazu?”
“Nothing special. It might be a little too late though, but I’m applying for college,”
Ohno nodded a little.
“I hope it’s gonna be in Tokyo. You can live with me,”
“Wouldn’t that be troublesome? I mean, with all the paparazzi chasing you for breaking news, I’m gonna be another trouble for you isn’t it?” Ohno laughed.
“I guess so right… but I think it’s fine. I mean I can say that you’re a friend from my hometown, staying together right. I mean we’re the same gender, it won’t give so many trouble, right?”
“I guess so,” Nino shrugged before the two of them fell silent.
None of them said anything along their way back to their house until they pass through an area. They used to spend their time together there before. So many beautiful and bad memories that they have created here.
Maybe they have the same thinking at the moment that they end up laughing.
“Remember those time we used to do the barbeque here? My mum was really mad that time as I took out the bbq set without her permission,”
“Yes. And my mum was so furious because I took out the meat without her permission,”
“That’s one scary moment. They just stand behind us, watching us eating all those food before my mum pulls my ears,”
“And then I pull you away from her, running away from them, hiding in the park,”
“And we fell asleep there,” they laughs. “I’m pretty sure we cause a chaos because everyone in the neighborhood helps them to find us after that,”
They laughed for quite a time, remembering all those childhood memories. After a moment, their laughter died. Nino took Ohno’s hand into his entwining their fingers together before lean his head on the older man shoulders.
“I miss those times,” he said as they walk home.
“I know…”
“Maybe we can make another barbeque session at my house during Christmas?”
This time, Ohno shook his head. They stop walking before Ohno makes Nino facing him
“It’s gonna be snow, kazu...” Nino saw the older man bites his lower lip. “And my schedule full for…”
“I know,” Nino doesn’t even look at the older man face. He kept looking down, trying to find something that might interest him there. “It’s ok. Maybe next time,”
But Ohno doesn’t see the hurt in those words.
“Maybe next time,” here, nino wonder if he ever had enough this.
I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
Everyone should be happy during the eve. He watched as the children running in front of him, and the adults laughing over silly stories that have been told.
But a smile just couldn’t form on his lips. He’s lonely and he knew it.
Before he knew, someone shoved a plate of food into his hand. Nino turned to look at the person.
“Alone. Again,” Jun remarks before took his seat next to him.
“Shut up!” he replied barely heard by the other man.
“Tell me, Kazu. I’m not trying to incite you here, but how long should you keep it this way? I mean, when is the last time you make sex with him?”
“What the- “he stopped before he continued the next words. “It’s so unrelated and it’s none of your business Jun!”
“It is my business! Because you’re my friend. And I can’t keep watching my best friend being treated like he’s not exist,”
Nino fell silent. Jun was right after all. To Ohno, did he really mean anything to him?
“I love him, Jun,”
“And if he really loves you back, at least he should treat you properly. Not by letting you live like this,”
Jun’s telling him that maybe the older man doesn’t love him.
“It’s not that what I mean…” Jun sighs, patting his best friend shoulder. “But you deserves better,”
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...
That one final day, he had enough.
He’s been thinking on how to break the news to Ohno. He knows it’ll be tough, but it’s tougher for Nino too.
“It’s in America. Full scholarship. I can’t say no,”
“Kazu… why don’t we try to discuss about this?” he could heard a sound of desperate from the end of the line. “It’s too far away,”
Nino chuckled.
“But I feel that we’re so far even if I’m staying here, Satoshi,” he remarked sarcastically. “With you busy with your work, and we barely talk once a month…”
“You know I’m busy with my…”
“Work,” he cuts him. “I know, I already said that,”
“You’re being unreasonably selfish, kazunari. Yes, I left you there, alone. But I’m still in the country. We can still connected by phone,”
“We still can connect through phone, Oh-chan,”
“The telephone bill will be high. Kazu…”
“A singer who sold millions, but can’t even pay for more. I didn’t ask you to call me every day, Oh-chan. nothing will change. Even when I’m here, you only call me once a month,”
Silent.
“It will be tough,” the older man mumbled, clear enough to be heard by the younger man.
“This relation, Oh-chan. since the beginning. It’s always tough. I know I’ll sound selfish here, but in this relation, it’s me who sacrificed a lot. I bear those hurts you gave me again and again. I let you leave for your dream, bearing all the hurt by those scandals you made, waiting for your call every now and then. Waiting for you to come back. I bear all those alone,”
“kazu…”
“I can’t even call you if I miss you because you’re busy with your work,” he didn’t let the older man to speak even one point. Deep inside his heart, the burden he’s been holding starts to ease. He felt relieved even though he knew that Ohno might already take offence by his words by now.
“I think…” he paused, thinking if it is the right time to say it loud. “I’ve had enough with your career. Let’s break up,”
“Kazunari…”
“I let you go once, for you to achieve whatever you’ve dream to be. And you’ve got it now. it’s time for you to let me go for me to grab my own dream…”
At first Nino waited for the older man to answer. But something snapped inside him.
He loved Ohno. He always loves Ohno despite all the things happened between them. Despite the loneliness, jealousy, hurts that he had in this relationship. But he just can’t do it anymore.
He knew if Ohno ever say something like “please don’t go” again, he’ll surrender to the man’s request.
He hung up the call before Ohno could say a word.
Where’d you go,
I miss you so,
Seems like it’s been forever
That you’ve been gone.
Please come back home…
“Kazu,”
For once in these three months, he never feels as much shock as today. He was just drives his car into the pouches, locking it before went to his house yard to see Ohno’s now standing in front of him, at his house, in the middle of the night. His eyebrows furrows watching the man who’s looking exhausted and anxious, even how hard he tries to hide it with his smile.
“Oh-chan…” he can’t believe his eyes. Their last talked was 3 months ago, after he breaks the news to Ohno, they day he asked for the end of their relationship. Ohno never calls back, and he never tells him any answer regarding his request.
“Kazu… I…”
“Welcome back,” he speaks, trying to sound cheerful to hide his nervousness. “Come in. I still have some packing to do. My flight gonna be early in the morning. I don’t want to leave anything important,”
He opens his door before walks into the house before his hand being grabbed by the older man. Nino turns to look at him.
They keep staring at each other without a word left their mouth. Nino can’t deny it. He misses the man. He still loves the man that he wants to be in his embrace or even kiss him hard to tell the older man how much he misses him.
But he tells his mind to stop before he could think more about it.
“Come in, Oh-chan. i…”
“Why do you have to go? There’s so many other college in Tokyo that you can attend. We even discuss it before that you can live with me there. Distance is the problem in our relationship, why are you trying to widen it?”
Nino breaks free from the singer’s grip. He sighs once before pulling the older man into his house.
“It’s just a reason to break up with you,” Nino says after a while of silent they created.
“Because I leave you here?” Ohno asks. He grabs the younger arms, forcing him to face him. “You want to punish him because I leave you here alone, don’t you? Because I neglected you all this time. Isn’t it?”
Nino gulped down his saliva, thinking of a better word. Before he knows, Ohno’s now embracing him as tight as he could. No matter how hard Nino struggles to break free.
“Don’t go…” Nino suddenly feels something wet on his shoulder. The singer is crying, he thought. And then he hears the older man sobs, confirming what he thought just now.
There’s no sign that the singer wants to let him go. He tries to push him, but Ohno just hugs him as tight as he could, not want to let him go.
“I’ve been a jerk. I know it. I know all of this time that you’re lonely, but I don’t consider all of your feelings. I know you’ve hurt by my selfish attitude. But after what you’ve said… I just know that I can’t live without you, Kazu,”
“Satoshi…”
“Please. I know I’ve been selfish before. Please don’t do the same,”
“And here, you’re being selfish. Again!” Nino snaps causing Ohno to fall silent. Slowly he let go of the gamer before he let out a heavy sigh. Nino leaves the older man at the living room while he heading to the kitchen, comeback with 2 cans of beer. He hands one to the singer before open another one for him, taking a sip before talking again.
“You don’t even asked, Oh-chan,”
“Hmm?” the older man confuses.
“My major,” Ohno looks at him, obviously more confuses than before. Nino sighs. “Performing Arts. Music,”
But Ohno still didn’t get a grab on what Nino’s trying to say, somehow it makes Nino annoys, thinking how dumb his lover can be.
“You know…” Nino pauses, taking another sip from his can before continue again. “We’ve been talking about our dreams, hopes for the future isn’t it? We talk about it a lot. Ever since our childhood. We talk about it a lot,”
He pauses, waiting for Ohno to say anything. But the older man speaks nothing. He just listens.
“And then you leave for Tokyo. Achieving your dream to be a singer. And I stuck here, waiting for my time, my luck to come,”
Ohno is still silent.
“Those childhood dream, where I want to be a game developer… has no longer become one, Oh-chan,” he walks towards the older man before settles next to him on the couch. He takes Ohno’s hand into his while Ohno reflect towards the touch by looking at him.
“My dream now is to be with you,”
“But you’re going…”
“To achieve my dream,” Nino cuts him. “I wanna be with you. So much that I think the only way for me to do that is by working with you in a team,”
Ohno turns to face his lover completely. Part of him still does not understand, maybe because he refuses to understand, but he keeps listening to the younger one.
“Hence I need to go. I need to learn so that I can produce a good music for you. So that there’ll be no other reason to separate us. I need to go Oh-chan. and I need my lover blessing,”
Ohno finally understand. Slowly, he cups his lover cheeks, caressing it lovingly. They let the silent fills the surroundings, enjoying their intimate moments together.
“I’ll help you pack,” Ohno says out of blue before pulling his lover towards his bedroom.
They didn’t talk while packing Nino’s stuff. Not until they finish packing when Ohno asks again.
“Will you write to me?”
“Everyday… every night. If possible…” Nino laughs when he sees Ohno pouts. He walks towards the singer, putting his hand around Ohno’s nape.
“You’re not breaking up with me?” Ohno asks before Nino could smash their lips together. Nino groans to the question.
“Make love to me and I’ll tell you if you’re s**k enough, that I need a break up,”
Ohno laughs hearing his lover answer. His bratty lover. And he know he won’t lose.
By the next day, Ohno accompany Nino to the airport, watches him leaves.
***
Epilogue
Fans POV
“Ne ne, look at this,” the girl says, pushing the CD to her other friend. “Oh-chan new single,”
Watching the cover on the CD, both of the fangirls giggle.
“Kakkoii ne, Oh-chan,”
“He is right,” the two fangirls keeps on analyzing the cover silently before one of them notice something that catches her attention.
“Ne, ne. look,” she points at the details.
Title: You Who Stay by Myside
Lyrics: Ohno Satoshi
Music: Ninomiya Kazunari
“They said he wrote this song for his lover,”
“Really??”
“They even said that the one who do the music is his lover,” the two fangirls conversation is disturbed by a man. He wears a cap, covering half of his face causing the girls unable to see his face.
“Really??? Isn’t that a cute combination?? Lovers writing music together,” the girl replies causing the man to smile, even though his face is still covered by the cap he wear.
“Have you heard the song? It’s lovely. Somehow it’s different from before,”
“Yeah… it’s sweet and really nice music to hear. The arrangement is good too,” the second fangirl replies.
“Of course. Ninomiya-san is a final year student in music. In US,” the man replies causing the two fangirl to take another look at him.
“Where did you get the info? Are you a fan?” the girl asks out of curiousity.
“Not really…” the man lifts up his cap, revealing his face. “I’m the lover to that music arranger,”
It takes the two girls a moment, until the man leave the music store for them to realize that they’re talking to the real Ohno Satoshi.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
