[oneshot] Awkward Space - SakuMoto
Jan. 7th, 2014 11:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ica_90Title: Awkward Space
Author: ica_90
Beta by:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
guiltyalice
Pairing: Sakumoto + OC
Rating: PG-13
Genre: a little angst, fluff
Summary: “I am the one who ask him to stop any kind of relations he had with you at the time. He said that you were a friend, and I ask him to stop that as well,”
Disclaimer: no matter how hard I wish, they will never be mine. My imaginations are.
Never in his life, will Jun imagine him walking into the office of a minister. But today, it happens. While Jun mentally reminded himself to behave professionally, Jun bows to the guard at the entrance before they checks him for security purposes. He bows to them once again, before walks in to the lobby area of the office, heading to the information counter.
“Hello. I’m Matsumoto Jun. I’m here to meet Mr. Sakurai Shun,” he explained to the receptionist till she nods in understanding to him. Jun waits for her as she makes a call to the person himself. He doesn’t really care about the conversation between the receptionist and the man on the phone.
“Sakurai-san is waiting for you in his office. The 9th floor. His secretary will lead the way in,” Jun nods in reply as she finishes explaining.
Saying a thank you to her, Jun makes his way to the elevator, pushing the ‘9’ button that will lead him to the floor.
He never really wants to meet the man. He is the father of the man that he loves from the very bottom of his heart. Unfortunately, the one that he loves never reciprocated the same feeling. It hurts Jun, but maybe if he moves on, it will get better, just like in the stories.
“Stay away from me.” Every single time Jun says the word, either scripted or for a joke with Nino or Aiba, it feels like something is throbbing in his heart. Jun is always hurt, and he still is.
It takes him a few knocks on the door before a voice inside replied with a 'come in' and he opens the door.
He was never as nervous as this time. He has met a lot of people, performing on stage with 70000 peoples fills the stadium. Nervous, but not like this.
Gathering all the courage and strength in him, he walks into the room to see the man in a suit immersing himself with abundant papers and files on his table. It reminds him of Johnny-san's office.
"Good morning,” Jun greeted Mr. Sakurai rather awkwardly. It can't be helped that he didn't know what he should say to him. That was the only word he had in his mind.
"Julie-san told me that you want to meet me. It seems to me that this is rather important that she freed my schedule for today before telling me about this last night," Jun continued once he saw the man lifting up his face to take a look at the owner of the first greeting.
Putting down his pen, he stands from his place before walks towards the idol. His face looks serious but softened by his smile. However, it never stops Jun’s nervousness.
“It is important of course," the older man says as he shakes his hand with the idol. "Because it involves my son,"
Jun is dumbfounded.
"Why don't you take a seat, Matsumoto-san. It's going to be fast but I still need to discuss it properly and it’s inappropriate for you to keep standing."
Jun nods once before he pull of the chair in front of the table facing the minister.
"It’s about you and my son,"
"There’s nothing between us," Jun snaps automatically.
He eventually still feels bitter about him and Sho. Their once close relationship stopped when Sho told him to stop being a child when Jun kept telling everyone about how he idolized Sho. The way Sho told him to stop, it was just too harsh for him that he can't stop thinking how to mend his broken heart, being told that by the one he idolized. ‘Stay away from me’ is one of the sentences Sho himself told him.
And then they separated. No matter how or what Jun did, Sho never give him a chance. It was like 'stop being my fans or my friend'.
And Jun did what he was told to after a year of trying.
"That’s what I want to talk about. About the 'nothing' between you two," the old man says after a while, watching Jun's dumbfound and annoyed expression.
Jun is confused. Really confused. Watching the younger man reaction, Sakurai Shun stops his work before fully focusing on the younger man in front of him.
"Sho told me last night, that you're getting married."
Jun’s eyes widen, but after a while he shakes his head.
"Sho-san just heard some rumors. It's not true."
"And he was really affected by the rumors."
Hearing that, Jun lifts up his head, facing the minister. He frowns, trying to digest every word the man had said. But no matter how much time he takes, no matter how simple the words are, none of the words he will ever manage to understand.
If there's nothing between the two of them, why would Sho get affected by the rumors about him and Mao? The rumors have been speculated for years, Sho should understand that it's just rumors that will never success to stop Arashi career.
He just never understands.
Seeing the frowns on the young man's face, Shun take off his glasses, putting it on the table.
He was about to speak again when a knock on the door reveals the secretary bringing two cups of tea.
"Sho is a very good son of mine. He never disobeys me. Whatever I told him to do, he will do it."
Jun keeps on listening to the man, not even thinking of responding, he keeps on waiting for the man to continue, to tell him something that could make him understand the main reason why the man called him here on the first place.
"In return for that, I want to be a father that will support whatever my children want to do, or love to do."
He takes a sip of his tea before continuing.
"I opposed him from being in the entertainment industry, because I know how tough it is for someone to be in the industry, for a person to survive in such an environment. I want him to secure a good place for himself in the future. But then I remember my promise to be a good father, to support him for whatever he's doing. Though I never told him that I’m supporting him, but I'm sure he knows,"
Jun sighs.
"Sakurai-san, I don't understand why are you telling me all this."
"Born in a family where everyone is successful and concerned about family tradition, is tough. I'm sure Sho knows that," the minister continues, ignoring Jun’s words earlier.
"I know you love my son, Matsumoto-san." Jun's eyes widen by the sudden declaration. "Years ago, back then before you guys debuted. With Sho became your tutor, and how you kept on getting projects together with him, I know that your feeling reciprocates,"
For a while, Jun felt speechless. His memories from before, on how Sho asked him to stay away plays in his mind, sending the pain to his heart.
“I think you have the wrong idea. Sho-san re-, I mean he asked me to stay away from him. If he loves me, he won't do that. I think you know how hard headed he is, he will protect me, my feelings if he loves me. But he's not,” he explains, stuttering at his own sentences.
Jun never meant to yell. But there's a part of him that started to panic because of something he didn't know. There's a mixed feeling when he heard the man’s earlier words. Jun was happy to know that his feeling is not one-sided. He was scared of being cheated, maybe whatever that Shun Sakurai-san told him is just a lie to trap him. He just didn’t know how he should respond, but he should respond appropriately.
But then he saw the minister sighing.
“Sho is a very good son. He never disobeys me,” he pauses. “I say this as my introduction today, if you listen to me earlier?”
“I do. But –“
“I am the one who ask him to stop any kind of relations he had with you at the time. He said that you were a friend, and I ask him to stop that as well,”
Jun frowned many times within one hour. His mouth feels too heavy for him to ask why, but he forces himself to ask as it is really disturbing him.
“Why?” one word. A very simple question, but it still it makes Shun sighs.
“I was afraid.” the minister pauses, biting his lips. “Our family you see, we live with the set of achieving the standards. And when your son involves in a big scandal, even with a random girl, it already damages the family name. Let alone a guy,”
Jun keeps silent, waiting for the man to continue.
“Culture or Community will never approve of that kind of relationship. Some are, but majority are not. Up till now, I myself will not acknowledge of that kind of relationship,”
Shun stands from his place, heading to the window in his office room. He watched the scenery from the building’s ninth floor, amused by the things he saw from there.
“But Sho, he’s different,” he continues. “He just succeeds in a way that no one in our family could even imagine. A university graduate, top idol, newscaster and mostly I’m proud of him because when he becomes an idol, he portrays courage for the youngsters to become just as successful as him. Be it Johnnys or the Japanese citizen. And you’re my witness today, that I’m so proud of him,”
Shun releases one long breath, before turning his sight towards Jun. Walking towards the man, he stopped in front of him once before walking back to his seat.
“He did all that just for me. He always says he‘s sorry for being the black sheep of the family. But no matter how I look at it, even though he’s different from how our tradition-oriented families are, but I’m proud having him as my son,”
Shun pauses.
“But, when I saw him wiping his tears last night, right after he told me about you, I feel like I just failed at being a good father for him. I make my son hurts by my own request,”
Silence.
“I have only one request to ask from you, Matsumoto-san,”
Jun could hear his heart crack. Whatever Shun Sakurai is going to ask from him, it will never be good. He might ask him to talk with Sho, asking him to get over him, something that he thought Sho had done it a long time ago. Or maybe he will be asked to persuade Sho about making a new life with someone legal, to marry someone who can keep the Sakurai bloodline going according to the custom.
Or so he thought.
He startles a little when the minister grips his hand. It is tight, full of assurance, so much as he was hoping that the man will never turn down his request.
“If I entrust my son’s hand to you, will you make sure that I will not make a big mistake in my whole life?”
Shun saw how Jun’s eyes widen. He knows it’s tough for the younger man to believe what he has said, but he feels like a big burden that he hold in all this time suddenly releases so that he can finally breathe properly.
Somehow, his mind plays the conversation he had last night with Sho.
“You still love him?” he asked, about half minutes of silence after Sho told him about the rumor. Eyeing his son reaction, he saw Sho biting his lower lips before nodded.
It looks hesitated, and Shun could only nod in response. But then he heard his son sniffing.
“Gomen,” Sho spoke, chuckling while wiping his tears. “I’m such a useless son, am I?”
Shun keep silent.
“The distance you asked me to keep between me and him, the fans call it an awkward space. You told me it’s a way, so that this kind of feelings will never exist between us. But it didn’t go according to plan did it?”
Sho lit up his cigarette, inhaled the smoke a few times before opening his mouth to talk again.
“No matter what I do, no matter how far I go, I know that in my heart, I’m longing for him. That awkward space you asked me to create, it didn’t help,”
Sho lifted up his head.
“I love him. I’m sorry for being such a useless son to –“ before Sho could finished his words, his father cut him.
“No, Sho. I’m sorry,” he saw how his son’s eyes widen. But he chose to nod a little, as a gesture ‘you should run for him’.
It’s not too late, he thought. He needed to see the younger man, as soon as possible.
Just as Sho leaved to his room, Shun dialed the general manager of Arashi number, resulting in Jun in his office the very next morning.
~*~
It is a 15 minutes journey by taxi from where he was to Johnnys Entertainment building. And it feels like Jun is living in hell. He tries to stay calm, taking a few deep breaths and releasing them accordingly.
But sitting in the taxi alone makes him feel suffocated. Partly because of how small the area is and maybe he’s just too nervous to meet this certain someone.
He arrives in front of the building, paid the driver the fare, before rushes to the lobby in hoping to go straight to their greenroom to meet Sho completely forgetting that he didn’t bring his ID card to enter the building.
“Shit,” he curses as he fails to convince the guard to let him pass through. “Damn the f*****g procedure,”
Give up, he decided to head home.
He is about to turn around, heading home when he heard someone calls his name.
“Sho-kun,” if it is not the barrier, he must have been running towards the older guy who is currently having a confused face.
“I thought you’re having an off day today? Why are you here?” Sho asks as he reaches the younger man. Jun blushes. For the first time after about 10 years, the closeness between the two of them is somewhat unimagined by the two of them. And the fact that Sho is holding his arm makes him blushes even more.
“I- I-,” he stutters before completely shutting his mouth when he saw Julie-san walking behind Sho. Her lips form a smile, more to a smirk causing Jun to lower his gaze from the woman.
A few second later, the woman spoke up.
“I can re-schedule your interview to late evening if you want, Sakurai-san?” Jun lifts up his head, obviously shocked by the woman proposal.
“No. Just give me a few minutes,” the woman smirks hearing Sho’s answer. Winking at the youngest Arashi member, she walks towards the car which has been waiting for them to move on to their next location.
But even after a few minutes, both Sho and Jun didn’t speak. None of them could utter a word, too speechless to say anything, hearts fluttering with the fact that the both of them still love each other.
Sho takes Jun’s hand into his, holding it so dearly. It is full of assurance, that Jun finally opens his mouth to say something before Sho cuts him.
“Sho-san… I…” Sho put his index finger on the younger man, silencing him. He smiles.
“Let’s keep our awkward space?”
“Huh?” Jun shows a dumbfound expression.
Sho smiles even more. He just wants to tease the younger one. He closes their distance before dropping a peck on the younger one pouty lips.
“Because, the space makes me longing for you even more,”
Jun frowns at first as he hears Sho’s explanation, before he finally get a grasp on the main idea and smiles with Sho.
“Yeah… sure. But not for the night,” he replies, causing Sho to grin. A grin that Jun always thought as stunning.
“Yeah… Not for the night.”
______________________________________________________________________________
idea comes from vsa with mitsu-dan episode. someone post about the 'awkward space' sho had with the guest and also jun. so the idea comes from there. thanks a lot for reading.
Author: ica_90
Beta by:
guiltyalicePairing: Sakumoto + OC
Rating: PG-13
Genre: a little angst, fluff
Summary: “I am the one who ask him to stop any kind of relations he had with you at the time. He said that you were a friend, and I ask him to stop that as well,”
Disclaimer: no matter how hard I wish, they will never be mine. My imaginations are.
Never in his life, will Jun imagine him walking into the office of a minister. But today, it happens. While Jun mentally reminded himself to behave professionally, Jun bows to the guard at the entrance before they checks him for security purposes. He bows to them once again, before walks in to the lobby area of the office, heading to the information counter.
“Hello. I’m Matsumoto Jun. I’m here to meet Mr. Sakurai Shun,” he explained to the receptionist till she nods in understanding to him. Jun waits for her as she makes a call to the person himself. He doesn’t really care about the conversation between the receptionist and the man on the phone.
“Sakurai-san is waiting for you in his office. The 9th floor. His secretary will lead the way in,” Jun nods in reply as she finishes explaining.
Saying a thank you to her, Jun makes his way to the elevator, pushing the ‘9’ button that will lead him to the floor.
He never really wants to meet the man. He is the father of the man that he loves from the very bottom of his heart. Unfortunately, the one that he loves never reciprocated the same feeling. It hurts Jun, but maybe if he moves on, it will get better, just like in the stories.
“Stay away from me.” Every single time Jun says the word, either scripted or for a joke with Nino or Aiba, it feels like something is throbbing in his heart. Jun is always hurt, and he still is.
It takes him a few knocks on the door before a voice inside replied with a 'come in' and he opens the door.
He was never as nervous as this time. He has met a lot of people, performing on stage with 70000 peoples fills the stadium. Nervous, but not like this.
Gathering all the courage and strength in him, he walks into the room to see the man in a suit immersing himself with abundant papers and files on his table. It reminds him of Johnny-san's office.
"Good morning,” Jun greeted Mr. Sakurai rather awkwardly. It can't be helped that he didn't know what he should say to him. That was the only word he had in his mind.
"Julie-san told me that you want to meet me. It seems to me that this is rather important that she freed my schedule for today before telling me about this last night," Jun continued once he saw the man lifting up his face to take a look at the owner of the first greeting.
Putting down his pen, he stands from his place before walks towards the idol. His face looks serious but softened by his smile. However, it never stops Jun’s nervousness.
“It is important of course," the older man says as he shakes his hand with the idol. "Because it involves my son,"
Jun is dumbfounded.
"Why don't you take a seat, Matsumoto-san. It's going to be fast but I still need to discuss it properly and it’s inappropriate for you to keep standing."
Jun nods once before he pull of the chair in front of the table facing the minister.
"It’s about you and my son,"
"There’s nothing between us," Jun snaps automatically.
He eventually still feels bitter about him and Sho. Their once close relationship stopped when Sho told him to stop being a child when Jun kept telling everyone about how he idolized Sho. The way Sho told him to stop, it was just too harsh for him that he can't stop thinking how to mend his broken heart, being told that by the one he idolized. ‘Stay away from me’ is one of the sentences Sho himself told him.
And then they separated. No matter how or what Jun did, Sho never give him a chance. It was like 'stop being my fans or my friend'.
And Jun did what he was told to after a year of trying.
"That’s what I want to talk about. About the 'nothing' between you two," the old man says after a while, watching Jun's dumbfound and annoyed expression.
Jun is confused. Really confused. Watching the younger man reaction, Sakurai Shun stops his work before fully focusing on the younger man in front of him.
"Sho told me last night, that you're getting married."
Jun’s eyes widen, but after a while he shakes his head.
"Sho-san just heard some rumors. It's not true."
"And he was really affected by the rumors."
Hearing that, Jun lifts up his head, facing the minister. He frowns, trying to digest every word the man had said. But no matter how much time he takes, no matter how simple the words are, none of the words he will ever manage to understand.
If there's nothing between the two of them, why would Sho get affected by the rumors about him and Mao? The rumors have been speculated for years, Sho should understand that it's just rumors that will never success to stop Arashi career.
He just never understands.
Seeing the frowns on the young man's face, Shun take off his glasses, putting it on the table.
He was about to speak again when a knock on the door reveals the secretary bringing two cups of tea.
"Sho is a very good son of mine. He never disobeys me. Whatever I told him to do, he will do it."
Jun keeps on listening to the man, not even thinking of responding, he keeps on waiting for the man to continue, to tell him something that could make him understand the main reason why the man called him here on the first place.
"In return for that, I want to be a father that will support whatever my children want to do, or love to do."
He takes a sip of his tea before continuing.
"I opposed him from being in the entertainment industry, because I know how tough it is for someone to be in the industry, for a person to survive in such an environment. I want him to secure a good place for himself in the future. But then I remember my promise to be a good father, to support him for whatever he's doing. Though I never told him that I’m supporting him, but I'm sure he knows,"
Jun sighs.
"Sakurai-san, I don't understand why are you telling me all this."
"Born in a family where everyone is successful and concerned about family tradition, is tough. I'm sure Sho knows that," the minister continues, ignoring Jun’s words earlier.
"I know you love my son, Matsumoto-san." Jun's eyes widen by the sudden declaration. "Years ago, back then before you guys debuted. With Sho became your tutor, and how you kept on getting projects together with him, I know that your feeling reciprocates,"
For a while, Jun felt speechless. His memories from before, on how Sho asked him to stay away plays in his mind, sending the pain to his heart.
“I think you have the wrong idea. Sho-san re-, I mean he asked me to stay away from him. If he loves me, he won't do that. I think you know how hard headed he is, he will protect me, my feelings if he loves me. But he's not,” he explains, stuttering at his own sentences.
Jun never meant to yell. But there's a part of him that started to panic because of something he didn't know. There's a mixed feeling when he heard the man’s earlier words. Jun was happy to know that his feeling is not one-sided. He was scared of being cheated, maybe whatever that Shun Sakurai-san told him is just a lie to trap him. He just didn’t know how he should respond, but he should respond appropriately.
But then he saw the minister sighing.
“Sho is a very good son. He never disobeys me,” he pauses. “I say this as my introduction today, if you listen to me earlier?”
“I do. But –“
“I am the one who ask him to stop any kind of relations he had with you at the time. He said that you were a friend, and I ask him to stop that as well,”
Jun frowned many times within one hour. His mouth feels too heavy for him to ask why, but he forces himself to ask as it is really disturbing him.
“Why?” one word. A very simple question, but it still it makes Shun sighs.
“I was afraid.” the minister pauses, biting his lips. “Our family you see, we live with the set of achieving the standards. And when your son involves in a big scandal, even with a random girl, it already damages the family name. Let alone a guy,”
Jun keeps silent, waiting for the man to continue.
“Culture or Community will never approve of that kind of relationship. Some are, but majority are not. Up till now, I myself will not acknowledge of that kind of relationship,”
Shun stands from his place, heading to the window in his office room. He watched the scenery from the building’s ninth floor, amused by the things he saw from there.
“But Sho, he’s different,” he continues. “He just succeeds in a way that no one in our family could even imagine. A university graduate, top idol, newscaster and mostly I’m proud of him because when he becomes an idol, he portrays courage for the youngsters to become just as successful as him. Be it Johnnys or the Japanese citizen. And you’re my witness today, that I’m so proud of him,”
Shun releases one long breath, before turning his sight towards Jun. Walking towards the man, he stopped in front of him once before walking back to his seat.
“He did all that just for me. He always says he‘s sorry for being the black sheep of the family. But no matter how I look at it, even though he’s different from how our tradition-oriented families are, but I’m proud having him as my son,”
Shun pauses.
“But, when I saw him wiping his tears last night, right after he told me about you, I feel like I just failed at being a good father for him. I make my son hurts by my own request,”
Silence.
“I have only one request to ask from you, Matsumoto-san,”
Jun could hear his heart crack. Whatever Shun Sakurai is going to ask from him, it will never be good. He might ask him to talk with Sho, asking him to get over him, something that he thought Sho had done it a long time ago. Or maybe he will be asked to persuade Sho about making a new life with someone legal, to marry someone who can keep the Sakurai bloodline going according to the custom.
Or so he thought.
He startles a little when the minister grips his hand. It is tight, full of assurance, so much as he was hoping that the man will never turn down his request.
“If I entrust my son’s hand to you, will you make sure that I will not make a big mistake in my whole life?”
Shun saw how Jun’s eyes widen. He knows it’s tough for the younger man to believe what he has said, but he feels like a big burden that he hold in all this time suddenly releases so that he can finally breathe properly.
Somehow, his mind plays the conversation he had last night with Sho.
“You still love him?” he asked, about half minutes of silence after Sho told him about the rumor. Eyeing his son reaction, he saw Sho biting his lower lips before nodded.
It looks hesitated, and Shun could only nod in response. But then he heard his son sniffing.
“Gomen,” Sho spoke, chuckling while wiping his tears. “I’m such a useless son, am I?”
Shun keep silent.
“The distance you asked me to keep between me and him, the fans call it an awkward space. You told me it’s a way, so that this kind of feelings will never exist between us. But it didn’t go according to plan did it?”
Sho lit up his cigarette, inhaled the smoke a few times before opening his mouth to talk again.
“No matter what I do, no matter how far I go, I know that in my heart, I’m longing for him. That awkward space you asked me to create, it didn’t help,”
Sho lifted up his head.
“I love him. I’m sorry for being such a useless son to –“ before Sho could finished his words, his father cut him.
“No, Sho. I’m sorry,” he saw how his son’s eyes widen. But he chose to nod a little, as a gesture ‘you should run for him’.
It’s not too late, he thought. He needed to see the younger man, as soon as possible.
Just as Sho leaved to his room, Shun dialed the general manager of Arashi number, resulting in Jun in his office the very next morning.
~*~
It is a 15 minutes journey by taxi from where he was to Johnnys Entertainment building. And it feels like Jun is living in hell. He tries to stay calm, taking a few deep breaths and releasing them accordingly.
But sitting in the taxi alone makes him feel suffocated. Partly because of how small the area is and maybe he’s just too nervous to meet this certain someone.
He arrives in front of the building, paid the driver the fare, before rushes to the lobby in hoping to go straight to their greenroom to meet Sho completely forgetting that he didn’t bring his ID card to enter the building.
“Shit,” he curses as he fails to convince the guard to let him pass through. “Damn the f*****g procedure,”
Give up, he decided to head home.
He is about to turn around, heading home when he heard someone calls his name.
“Sho-kun,” if it is not the barrier, he must have been running towards the older guy who is currently having a confused face.
“I thought you’re having an off day today? Why are you here?” Sho asks as he reaches the younger man. Jun blushes. For the first time after about 10 years, the closeness between the two of them is somewhat unimagined by the two of them. And the fact that Sho is holding his arm makes him blushes even more.
“I- I-,” he stutters before completely shutting his mouth when he saw Julie-san walking behind Sho. Her lips form a smile, more to a smirk causing Jun to lower his gaze from the woman.
A few second later, the woman spoke up.
“I can re-schedule your interview to late evening if you want, Sakurai-san?” Jun lifts up his head, obviously shocked by the woman proposal.
“No. Just give me a few minutes,” the woman smirks hearing Sho’s answer. Winking at the youngest Arashi member, she walks towards the car which has been waiting for them to move on to their next location.
But even after a few minutes, both Sho and Jun didn’t speak. None of them could utter a word, too speechless to say anything, hearts fluttering with the fact that the both of them still love each other.
Sho takes Jun’s hand into his, holding it so dearly. It is full of assurance, that Jun finally opens his mouth to say something before Sho cuts him.
“Sho-san… I…” Sho put his index finger on the younger man, silencing him. He smiles.
“Let’s keep our awkward space?”
“Huh?” Jun shows a dumbfound expression.
Sho smiles even more. He just wants to tease the younger one. He closes their distance before dropping a peck on the younger one pouty lips.
“Because, the space makes me longing for you even more,”
Jun frowns at first as he hears Sho’s explanation, before he finally get a grasp on the main idea and smiles with Sho.
“Yeah… sure. But not for the night,” he replies, causing Sho to grin. A grin that Jun always thought as stunning.
“Yeah… Not for the night.”
______________________________________________________________________________
idea comes from vsa with mitsu-dan episode. someone post about the 'awkward space' sho had with the guest and also jun. so the idea comes from there. thanks a lot for reading.
