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ica_90Title: What we lost (8/8) + Epilogue
Author: ica_90
Pairing: Ohmiya, some other pairing later
Genre: Angst, AU
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Losing their child in an accident, Nino started to distance himself from Ohno in which Ohno never knows why.
Disclaimer: I want Ohmiya to own each other. can they? can they? *sorry for my imagination
A/N: unbeta. i wanna say thanks to those who read this to end, especially to those who dropped the comment and for those who leave kudos in AO3. you guys has been my inspiration to finish this up. despite how my brain works at the moment. thank you very much. I love you guys, so much. just the way how Ohno loves Nino in this.
Chapter 8
He made his way to the restaurant with one thing sure in his head; he wanted Nino back into his life even how much effort will be needed for him to have him back.
There were not a lot of people in the restaurant the moment he walked into it. Probably because it was still early or maybe because the restaurant was not so popular to begin with. Make it easier for him to see Nino in one of the private room in the restaurant.
“Are you Ohno-san?” the waitress asked him when she saw him walking past the counter. Ohno nodded his head. “This way, sir,”
Quickly Ohno raise his hand as a sign for the waitress to stop. His lips trying to force a smile, and when it did, Ohno knew it look so damn fake.
“It’s fine. I’ll make my own way there. Thank you for your help,” he said to the confused waitress before walk away from there towards the private room.
For once, Ohno was wondering if he ever lost his feeling at the moment. He didn’t felt nervous, or sadness as he make his way toward the room. maybe because he was too occupied on what he want, what he need to do; to win Nino’s back into his life that he couldn’t felt anything inside him. It felt so numb. Everything was.
And when he opened the door to be greeted by his 14 years life partners who emptiness showed in his eyes, that was the first time Ohno felt his heart was crumbled.
“Ohno-san, come in,” the lawyer’s voice woke him from his thought. Slowly he makes his way towards the seat opposite Nino, observing the man’s reaction.
The man didn’t look at him. his stare was blank, as he was lifeless that Ohno thought he was until he saw the man took a deep breath, shut his eyes once before he voice out a line that showed how he desperately wanting everything to be done soon.
“Let’s do it now,” was what Nino said. it sound weak as hell, making Ohno to feel to rush by Nino’s side, hugging for being a fragile human being. But he can’t, because he knows Nino wouldn’t want that now. But he’ll make sure that he will accept it, sooner or later.
“Well, as you can see, Ohno-san…”
“I can’t see anything,” Ohno cut the lawyer’s words. The man who was pushing the divorce form towards him startled by the act, but chose to act as professional as he could.
“Ninomiya-san has signed the divorce form before you arrived. I wish that we can make it easier for all party so that we can end this thing as soon as possible,”
Hearing this, it broke Ohno so much. Nino really wants to get away from him and it’s breaking him to something that he couldn’t tell how much pain it had caused him. Hurt. In fact it felt like someone was putting salt on a bleeding wound.
“Kazu…” he called the man’s name soft, making Nino to startle a little before he look to his side, avoiding his eyes from meeting Ohno’s. “Answer me with your sincere thought, Kazu. In your heart, even a smallest spot, is there not a smallest spot for your love towards me?”
Nino didn’t answer. Tears falling from his eyes, to his cheek and he didn’t bother to wipe it away.
“Isn’t this divorce things hurts you? You still love me. Why are you making it hard for the two of us?”
He could see tears keeps falling from the man’s eyes. Nino refuse to say a thing and the fact that the man was avoiding his gaze makes him furious. Slowly, he turned his sight towards the lawyer who was watching them silently.
“Do you have another copy for this?” he asked towards the lawyer who then shook his head. “Good,” he continued.
He pulled the form from the file, there’s two copy of it. Maybe one for his and one for Nino later. But there’s no later for it. For a while, he pretended to read what was written on the form and from the corner of his eyes, he could see his love of his life was looking at him.
But for how long has he pretending that he was fine? He couldn’t anymore. He care less about the reaction he’s going to receive next, but the next thing he did was tearing the form into small pieces before he entrust it into the lawyer’s hand.
“what you’re going to do next, Takumi-san, is to go back to your office and prepare a new form while I’m trying to do something so that this stubborn man will not sign whatever form that you’ll bring on later. This marriage will stay. Not this way, but I’ll find a way to make it works between us again,” Ohno said, cold. He didn’t stare at the lawyer but at Nino instead.
The lawyer quickly makes his way out of the room, leaving the couple inside.
“You’re an idiot!” Nino finally said before trying to leave the room too, but ohno was fast enough to stop him by gripping his hand.
“Why are you doing this, Kazu?”
“I told you everything, Oh-chan,” Nino replied, desperate was heard in his voice, as if he’s gonna breakdown any moment soon.
“Yes. And that’s the reason why I would never understand. You said you put all the blame on you. it means you’re telling me that you’re wrong. But Kazu, what are you doing to make up every mistakes you have done? Our divorce is not a way for it!!”
He get nothing as a reply from Nino. All he could heard was sobbing. The man now was standing infront of him with his back facing him. when he tried to hug the man from behind, Nino will struggle to break free, as if his touch was burning his skin.
“why can’t you understand, Satoshi? Staying would be too painful for me, for us. I can’t stay without having the thought that I’ve murdered my own son. I yelled at him when he tried to comfort me. I was a bad parent to a child that mean well to me. All is because I let my doubt on you to control me. Why can’t you understand that these thought keep on repeating inside of me like a broken record? How am I supposed to look at you without having all the thought? I’ve cheated on you when you never did it. I don’t deserve to be love by you so why is it so hard for you to let me go?”
“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” Ohno snapped. “I fucking love you that I can’t live without you,”
He walked towards the man, making Nino to face him directly, gripping him by his hand so that he won’t run away.
“Stop being selfish, Kazu. It’s hurt. If even by the thought was already so painful to me, what do you expect when it happened for real? It’s much better for you to stab me to death rather that separating with you while I’m alive. Because the pain, kazu, is unbearable,” Ohno said, choking his words by his own tears.
For a while, the two of them silent. Ohno knew he will give up if Nino didn’t gave him any answer soon and he knew he shouldn’t let it happened.
“Kazu. Just, one chance. I need to take you to somewhere. And if you still with your decision to divorce after this, maybe I will give up on persuading you to stay,”
Nino looked at him, his eyes wet with tears. Ohno swore he wanted to wipe all the tears on the man’s face, but for now, he needed to do his final effort. Slowly, offered his hand to Nino, as a sign for the man to follow him before Nino took his hand, following him out of the room. And all of sudden the same memories played in their mind.
“I’m asking for your hand, Ninomiya Kazunari,” Ohno said when Nino finally took his hand into his. “Would you be my lovely partner of my life until death do us apart?”
Nino smiled, shyly. Up till now, Ohno wonder how that shy smile manage to send a love struck into his heart.
“I do, Ohno Satoshi,” and they kissed.
It was 25 minutes later, they reached the destination. Quickly, Ohno went off the car, heading to Nino’s side, opening the door for the man.
“you don’t have to be so sweet, Satoshi. You’ve been so sweet to me lately that I don’t know what should I do in return,” Nino said once they reached to the destination. But he didn’t recognize the surrounding.
“wait a minute, we not lost again. aren’t we?” he punch the man lightly on his arm when Ohno stuck out his tongue. “you!!! it’s a waste for the burning fuel!!”
Ohno laughed.
“no, my love. But before that, I need to apologize because I make a decision without consulting you. but, I’ve bought a house. for us. so here we are,”
For a while, he observed the surrounding. It amaze him on the landscape, the design of the house. somehow he smiled, nudging his arms to Ohno.
“so… has it fully furnished?” Nino asked cunningly.
“urmmm, the bed room wasn’t fully furnished. I haven’t found the suitable bed, but there’s a mattress ummpphhh,” he explained before he was stopped by a kiss.
“that is enough,” Nino said, laughing while pulling Ohno into the house.
Nino’s eyes was empty as earlier, he didn’t care where Ohno had took him. Tears kept on flowing out of his eyes with every single memory he had with Ohno. In the end, he still can’t deny it, that he still love Ohno even though with so many pains that he felt.
When they finally stopped walking, Nino finally realized that Ohno had took him to the park. The surrounding felt so familiar to him, but nothing he could think as a reason why Ohno brought him here. The grip on his wrist earlier was finally released by the man. They stopped walking with Ohno few steps ahead of him, his back facing Nino.
“do you know why I’m bringing you here, kazu?” Ohno waited for the man to answer, sighing when he didn’t get one. “I know it took me a lot of effort to get your attention before you fell in love with me. But this is the place when I first fall in love with you,”
Nino’s eyes widen. But still, he kept listening.
“It took me few months to finally talk to you, know you, took you back here just to confess to you. Because I want this to be the place that we can remember forever. You were so cute back then. I remember you ran away from me, saying I was being grossed, confessing to you. But you laughed afterwards, just because you don’t want me to give up. I tried harder, until you finally accept me in your life, and again, this place witnessed it. Don’t you remember it, Kazu?”
Ohno turned to face the man, tears flowing from his eyes. He could see how the man’s eyes swollen due to the fact of he had cried a lot. For once Ohno knew, he needed to make the man stopped.
“This place will always be our special place, isn’t it? To me and to you,” he paused, taking a few steps towards the man. “But one thing that you never know, Kazu, that this is also the place where I make a promise to Shin, that I will always love you, forever and ever. Even until the end of the world. Even if you hate me, I had promised Shin that I will make you fall in love with me again,”
Saying those words felt like someone stabbing his heart again and again. The fact that the promised was made to his child, who had gone forever in his life and the hard things that happened around them these days makes it hard for him to continue his words. It felt stuck on his throat. The pain, regrets felt like burning his limb, weakened his strength to continue. But he can’t show his weakness. He shouldn’t for now.
“I break my promise to him once, Kazu,” He reached Nino, took and gripped his hand tightly, forcing them to face each other. “I’ve became a bad parent once, Kazu. Please don’t make me do it twice. I beg you,”
“Why are you telling me about this, Satoshi?” Nino struggled to break free, but Ohno’s gripped on him was strong enough. “Can’t you see I had it enough? I want to move on. From my past. From everything. From every mistake I’ve done to you. to Shin. Why can’t you let me do my own way?”
“Because I know you can’t do it alone. I’ve been a jerk. I should have been there with you. Things won’t happened if I was there with the two of you,”
Nino struggled even hard to break away from his grip. Instantly, Ohno took him into his embrace, hug him tight, limiting his movement. He needed the man to stay. To understand how hard it is to let him go. How hurt it to break with someone he love most and he needed Nino to understand, how much he wanted Nino in his life, forever.
“You may give up on me. But I can never give up on you. I can cheat on you, go on with the work, used whatever feeling that woman had on me for my own benefit. But I don’t. I just can’t. I can repeat how much I love you, again and again, Kazu. Even if I never make a promise wth Shin before, I’ll still run after you, beg you for your love again. Even if what I’ll received next will be a harsh words from you, or maybe even a kick, punch. I don’t care. Because I need you. I love you. With my whole life, forever,”
For once, Nino stopped struggling. But Ohno didn’t let go, he could hear the man sobbing. His shoulders wet with Nino’s tears, or maybe saliva. He felt urge to look, to wipe the tears on the man face, but he knew he will get the chance to do it later. And he sure enough that Nino will leave if he ever did so.
“I love you, Kazu. I really do. I beg you, please. Give us another chance,” slowly, he let go of his embrace on the man, took Nino’s hand into his before he kneel in front of the man, desperate for what he requested. “let’s find back what we had lost. True, we lost our son, but there’s more than that. both of us had lost the trust we had in each other. Only if I trust you enough that you won’t leave me if I told you about the harassment I get at work, these things won’t happen. Give our relationship a chance, Kazu. Let’s find that trust again,”
A drop of tears fell on his hand, followed by another. This time from Nino. There’s nothing left from Nino’s mouth, a sobbing hardly heard, but tears kept on flowing from his eyes.
“For whatever you have done, I forgive you. But that alone will never be enough. You have to forgive me too, for causing all the pain on you for making you to put all the blame on you. I’m sorry. But the most important thing is, you have to forgive yourself. Because even if I let you go, and you never forgive yourself, you will never move on,”
Ohno is right, Nino thought. He always right.
He was wrong when he thought that Ohno can never read him anymore, that the love between them had stopped. He lived feeling unsecure about them. Since the day he woke up, finding out that he lost his child to the accident, due to his own mistakes, he couldn’t find a reason why for them to stay forever. The word forever itself scared him. it felt like it could never happen.
But watching Ohno now, kneeling in front of him, tears never stop falling, messing his face with tears, makes it hard for him. he doubt the man, when all the man felt for him never stop from beginning.
“I don’t deserved you,” Nino finally said something, choking a little on his words. still kneeling, Ohno replied.
“no. it was me who don’t deserved you after all the hurt I caused you. forgive me, please. Give me a chance,”
Ohno was apologizing for a mistake he never done. For the first time in that three month living in the mess, Nino felt so guilty to the man. So hurt by what he was doing, so tired with everything. Slowly, he fell on his knees, his body shivered as he cried out loud. Before he knew it, he was in Ohno’s embrace, crying out loud his apologize.
“I’m sorry Oh-chan. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he chanted the word.
“it’s ok, Kazu. It’s ok,” Ohno hugged the weeping man tight. “Everything will be fine. We will be fine. Just give us a chance,”
Nino keeps on weeping in his embrace. Somehow, being in Ohno’s embrace make him felt safe.
Epilogue
3 years later
He rubbed his hand a few times, rub them to his face, feeling nervous. The exact feeling he felt 12 years ago when both he and Ohno went to take Shin.
His hand felt cold, his leg couldn’t stop shaking. His mind kept wondering if everything will be fine again, wondering if the decision he ask from Ohno will work with them fine enough this time.
All his action repeated until Ohno’s hand went on him, stop the actions altogether. He turn to his side, to look at Ohno who’s giving him an assuring smile.
“It will be fine,” Ohno said, rubbing Nino’s back slowly.
“What if it doesn’t? What if I do the same mistake?”
“You won’t. You’ll love her,” Ohno took him close towards him.
“I’ve became a bad parent before, Oh-chan. maybe we should stop this. I don’t-“
“Shhh,” Ohno put his fingers on Nino’s lips. “Give it a chance. Let’s help each other. I won’t leave you alone this time,”
Somehow, the words manage to lift up all the tense from him. Nino took a deep breath, calming down, entwining his and Ohno’s finger together.
He heard the sound of the door opened, revealing a woman with a baby in her embrace. The woman smile slightly at the two men.
“As what I’ve told you, it’s a baby girl,” she said, before Ohno took the baby, cuddling her. “There’s a few form, just like before. Once we done with all the documents, you can leave. I’ll wait for you in the office, Ohno-san,”
Ohno nodded, smile at the woman before she left them in the room.
He didn’t want to force Nino. That’s what he had promised to Nino earlier. But then again, he understand Nino’s to well. The man didn’t have to say a word, he knew him just by a simple gesture. Smiling to Nino, he said.
“wanna hold her?”
“Can I?”
Ohno didn’t answer. Slowly, he passed the baby girl to Nino. He could sense tense in Nino’s, but he keep assuring him that it’s fine. But the tense was just for a while, before the frown on Nino’s face replace by a soothing smile as he observed the sleeping baby.
“So beautiful,” Nino said, poking the baby’s cheek. When the baby stirs in his sleep, Ohno could see how beautiful the smile on Nino’s lips.
“She is. Just like you,” Ohno complimented the both of them, making Nino to blush a little.
“Cheesy, old man,” he said, closing their distance together so that Ohno could have a proper look on the baby. “Can I name him?”
Ohno widen his eyes by the sudden question
“Manami,” Nino decided without looking at his partner. After a while of silent of observing, caressing the baby face lightly, he turned to Ohno who’s looking at him intently, slightly curious by the man. “It means beautiful love. Just like the way you love me,”
Ohno chuckled.
“So… you only concern about my love towards you? What about your love towards me?”
“I will love you forever if you love me forever too, Satoshi,”
“Of course I’m gonna love forever. Until death do us apart. Remember that vow?” he kissed Nino on his forehead lightly, embracing him closer towards him before lean a little to the baby girl. “and of course I’m gonna love you forever too, Manami-chan,”
Ohno said, poking the baby’s cheek. While his other hand keeps embracing Nino towards him, his other hand playing with the baby girl, caressing her face and hair, stroking Manami’s hand lightly. He gasped surprised when the baby gripped one of his fingers, making Nino to laugh by the silliness of his husband.
And then, they fell silent.
“Look Shin. Your papa is happy. As I had promised you, I’ll take care of your papa until the day that I can’t anymore,” he said while observing the sleeping baby girl, his tears in his eyes waiting to fall. “Be your sister’s guardian angel will you?”
He said, looking up once before turn back to the baby girl.
Nino doesn’t say any word as a response. Instead, he leaned his head on Ohno’s shoulder, letting the man to embrace him even tighter. They stay in silent for a few minutes before Nino opened his mouth to utter his sincere feeling for Ohno, knowing the man deserved it after all that happened. This is their new beginning, and he would never let anything to ruin their new life. Never again.
“I love you, Ohno Satoshi,” he said, not even looking at his husband, but his head comfortably laid oh Ohno’s shoulder.
Ohno smiled. Even if he need to repeat it every day, every year, every time, forever, he will do it without hesitant. He love Nino, and that’s what matters.
“I love you too, Ninomiya Kazunari,”
__________________________________________________________________________
~owari~
Author: ica_90
Pairing: Ohmiya, some other pairing later
Genre: Angst, AU
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Losing their child in an accident, Nino started to distance himself from Ohno in which Ohno never knows why.
Disclaimer: I want Ohmiya to own each other. can they? can they? *sorry for my imagination
A/N: unbeta. i wanna say thanks to those who read this to end, especially to those who dropped the comment and for those who leave kudos in AO3. you guys has been my inspiration to finish this up. despite how my brain works at the moment. thank you very much. I love you guys, so much. just the way how Ohno loves Nino in this.
Chapter 8
He made his way to the restaurant with one thing sure in his head; he wanted Nino back into his life even how much effort will be needed for him to have him back.
There were not a lot of people in the restaurant the moment he walked into it. Probably because it was still early or maybe because the restaurant was not so popular to begin with. Make it easier for him to see Nino in one of the private room in the restaurant.
“Are you Ohno-san?” the waitress asked him when she saw him walking past the counter. Ohno nodded his head. “This way, sir,”
Quickly Ohno raise his hand as a sign for the waitress to stop. His lips trying to force a smile, and when it did, Ohno knew it look so damn fake.
“It’s fine. I’ll make my own way there. Thank you for your help,” he said to the confused waitress before walk away from there towards the private room.
For once, Ohno was wondering if he ever lost his feeling at the moment. He didn’t felt nervous, or sadness as he make his way toward the room. maybe because he was too occupied on what he want, what he need to do; to win Nino’s back into his life that he couldn’t felt anything inside him. It felt so numb. Everything was.
And when he opened the door to be greeted by his 14 years life partners who emptiness showed in his eyes, that was the first time Ohno felt his heart was crumbled.
“Ohno-san, come in,” the lawyer’s voice woke him from his thought. Slowly he makes his way towards the seat opposite Nino, observing the man’s reaction.
The man didn’t look at him. his stare was blank, as he was lifeless that Ohno thought he was until he saw the man took a deep breath, shut his eyes once before he voice out a line that showed how he desperately wanting everything to be done soon.
“Let’s do it now,” was what Nino said. it sound weak as hell, making Ohno to feel to rush by Nino’s side, hugging for being a fragile human being. But he can’t, because he knows Nino wouldn’t want that now. But he’ll make sure that he will accept it, sooner or later.
“Well, as you can see, Ohno-san…”
“I can’t see anything,” Ohno cut the lawyer’s words. The man who was pushing the divorce form towards him startled by the act, but chose to act as professional as he could.
“Ninomiya-san has signed the divorce form before you arrived. I wish that we can make it easier for all party so that we can end this thing as soon as possible,”
Hearing this, it broke Ohno so much. Nino really wants to get away from him and it’s breaking him to something that he couldn’t tell how much pain it had caused him. Hurt. In fact it felt like someone was putting salt on a bleeding wound.
“Kazu…” he called the man’s name soft, making Nino to startle a little before he look to his side, avoiding his eyes from meeting Ohno’s. “Answer me with your sincere thought, Kazu. In your heart, even a smallest spot, is there not a smallest spot for your love towards me?”
Nino didn’t answer. Tears falling from his eyes, to his cheek and he didn’t bother to wipe it away.
“Isn’t this divorce things hurts you? You still love me. Why are you making it hard for the two of us?”
He could see tears keeps falling from the man’s eyes. Nino refuse to say a thing and the fact that the man was avoiding his gaze makes him furious. Slowly, he turned his sight towards the lawyer who was watching them silently.
“Do you have another copy for this?” he asked towards the lawyer who then shook his head. “Good,” he continued.
He pulled the form from the file, there’s two copy of it. Maybe one for his and one for Nino later. But there’s no later for it. For a while, he pretended to read what was written on the form and from the corner of his eyes, he could see his love of his life was looking at him.
But for how long has he pretending that he was fine? He couldn’t anymore. He care less about the reaction he’s going to receive next, but the next thing he did was tearing the form into small pieces before he entrust it into the lawyer’s hand.
“what you’re going to do next, Takumi-san, is to go back to your office and prepare a new form while I’m trying to do something so that this stubborn man will not sign whatever form that you’ll bring on later. This marriage will stay. Not this way, but I’ll find a way to make it works between us again,” Ohno said, cold. He didn’t stare at the lawyer but at Nino instead.
The lawyer quickly makes his way out of the room, leaving the couple inside.
“You’re an idiot!” Nino finally said before trying to leave the room too, but ohno was fast enough to stop him by gripping his hand.
“Why are you doing this, Kazu?”
“I told you everything, Oh-chan,” Nino replied, desperate was heard in his voice, as if he’s gonna breakdown any moment soon.
“Yes. And that’s the reason why I would never understand. You said you put all the blame on you. it means you’re telling me that you’re wrong. But Kazu, what are you doing to make up every mistakes you have done? Our divorce is not a way for it!!”
He get nothing as a reply from Nino. All he could heard was sobbing. The man now was standing infront of him with his back facing him. when he tried to hug the man from behind, Nino will struggle to break free, as if his touch was burning his skin.
“why can’t you understand, Satoshi? Staying would be too painful for me, for us. I can’t stay without having the thought that I’ve murdered my own son. I yelled at him when he tried to comfort me. I was a bad parent to a child that mean well to me. All is because I let my doubt on you to control me. Why can’t you understand that these thought keep on repeating inside of me like a broken record? How am I supposed to look at you without having all the thought? I’ve cheated on you when you never did it. I don’t deserve to be love by you so why is it so hard for you to let me go?”
“BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!” Ohno snapped. “I fucking love you that I can’t live without you,”
He walked towards the man, making Nino to face him directly, gripping him by his hand so that he won’t run away.
“Stop being selfish, Kazu. It’s hurt. If even by the thought was already so painful to me, what do you expect when it happened for real? It’s much better for you to stab me to death rather that separating with you while I’m alive. Because the pain, kazu, is unbearable,” Ohno said, choking his words by his own tears.
For a while, the two of them silent. Ohno knew he will give up if Nino didn’t gave him any answer soon and he knew he shouldn’t let it happened.
“Kazu. Just, one chance. I need to take you to somewhere. And if you still with your decision to divorce after this, maybe I will give up on persuading you to stay,”
Nino looked at him, his eyes wet with tears. Ohno swore he wanted to wipe all the tears on the man’s face, but for now, he needed to do his final effort. Slowly, offered his hand to Nino, as a sign for the man to follow him before Nino took his hand, following him out of the room. And all of sudden the same memories played in their mind.
“I’m asking for your hand, Ninomiya Kazunari,” Ohno said when Nino finally took his hand into his. “Would you be my lovely partner of my life until death do us apart?”
Nino smiled, shyly. Up till now, Ohno wonder how that shy smile manage to send a love struck into his heart.
“I do, Ohno Satoshi,” and they kissed.
It was 25 minutes later, they reached the destination. Quickly, Ohno went off the car, heading to Nino’s side, opening the door for the man.
“you don’t have to be so sweet, Satoshi. You’ve been so sweet to me lately that I don’t know what should I do in return,” Nino said once they reached to the destination. But he didn’t recognize the surrounding.
“wait a minute, we not lost again. aren’t we?” he punch the man lightly on his arm when Ohno stuck out his tongue. “you!!! it’s a waste for the burning fuel!!”
Ohno laughed.
“no, my love. But before that, I need to apologize because I make a decision without consulting you. but, I’ve bought a house. for us. so here we are,”
For a while, he observed the surrounding. It amaze him on the landscape, the design of the house. somehow he smiled, nudging his arms to Ohno.
“so… has it fully furnished?” Nino asked cunningly.
“urmmm, the bed room wasn’t fully furnished. I haven’t found the suitable bed, but there’s a mattress ummpphhh,” he explained before he was stopped by a kiss.
“that is enough,” Nino said, laughing while pulling Ohno into the house.
Nino’s eyes was empty as earlier, he didn’t care where Ohno had took him. Tears kept on flowing out of his eyes with every single memory he had with Ohno. In the end, he still can’t deny it, that he still love Ohno even though with so many pains that he felt.
When they finally stopped walking, Nino finally realized that Ohno had took him to the park. The surrounding felt so familiar to him, but nothing he could think as a reason why Ohno brought him here. The grip on his wrist earlier was finally released by the man. They stopped walking with Ohno few steps ahead of him, his back facing Nino.
“do you know why I’m bringing you here, kazu?” Ohno waited for the man to answer, sighing when he didn’t get one. “I know it took me a lot of effort to get your attention before you fell in love with me. But this is the place when I first fall in love with you,”
Nino’s eyes widen. But still, he kept listening.
“It took me few months to finally talk to you, know you, took you back here just to confess to you. Because I want this to be the place that we can remember forever. You were so cute back then. I remember you ran away from me, saying I was being grossed, confessing to you. But you laughed afterwards, just because you don’t want me to give up. I tried harder, until you finally accept me in your life, and again, this place witnessed it. Don’t you remember it, Kazu?”
Ohno turned to face the man, tears flowing from his eyes. He could see how the man’s eyes swollen due to the fact of he had cried a lot. For once Ohno knew, he needed to make the man stopped.
“This place will always be our special place, isn’t it? To me and to you,” he paused, taking a few steps towards the man. “But one thing that you never know, Kazu, that this is also the place where I make a promise to Shin, that I will always love you, forever and ever. Even until the end of the world. Even if you hate me, I had promised Shin that I will make you fall in love with me again,”
Saying those words felt like someone stabbing his heart again and again. The fact that the promised was made to his child, who had gone forever in his life and the hard things that happened around them these days makes it hard for him to continue his words. It felt stuck on his throat. The pain, regrets felt like burning his limb, weakened his strength to continue. But he can’t show his weakness. He shouldn’t for now.
“I break my promise to him once, Kazu,” He reached Nino, took and gripped his hand tightly, forcing them to face each other. “I’ve became a bad parent once, Kazu. Please don’t make me do it twice. I beg you,”
“Why are you telling me about this, Satoshi?” Nino struggled to break free, but Ohno’s gripped on him was strong enough. “Can’t you see I had it enough? I want to move on. From my past. From everything. From every mistake I’ve done to you. to Shin. Why can’t you let me do my own way?”
“Because I know you can’t do it alone. I’ve been a jerk. I should have been there with you. Things won’t happened if I was there with the two of you,”
Nino struggled even hard to break away from his grip. Instantly, Ohno took him into his embrace, hug him tight, limiting his movement. He needed the man to stay. To understand how hard it is to let him go. How hurt it to break with someone he love most and he needed Nino to understand, how much he wanted Nino in his life, forever.
“You may give up on me. But I can never give up on you. I can cheat on you, go on with the work, used whatever feeling that woman had on me for my own benefit. But I don’t. I just can’t. I can repeat how much I love you, again and again, Kazu. Even if I never make a promise wth Shin before, I’ll still run after you, beg you for your love again. Even if what I’ll received next will be a harsh words from you, or maybe even a kick, punch. I don’t care. Because I need you. I love you. With my whole life, forever,”
For once, Nino stopped struggling. But Ohno didn’t let go, he could hear the man sobbing. His shoulders wet with Nino’s tears, or maybe saliva. He felt urge to look, to wipe the tears on the man face, but he knew he will get the chance to do it later. And he sure enough that Nino will leave if he ever did so.
“I love you, Kazu. I really do. I beg you, please. Give us another chance,” slowly, he let go of his embrace on the man, took Nino’s hand into his before he kneel in front of the man, desperate for what he requested. “let’s find back what we had lost. True, we lost our son, but there’s more than that. both of us had lost the trust we had in each other. Only if I trust you enough that you won’t leave me if I told you about the harassment I get at work, these things won’t happen. Give our relationship a chance, Kazu. Let’s find that trust again,”
A drop of tears fell on his hand, followed by another. This time from Nino. There’s nothing left from Nino’s mouth, a sobbing hardly heard, but tears kept on flowing from his eyes.
“For whatever you have done, I forgive you. But that alone will never be enough. You have to forgive me too, for causing all the pain on you for making you to put all the blame on you. I’m sorry. But the most important thing is, you have to forgive yourself. Because even if I let you go, and you never forgive yourself, you will never move on,”
Ohno is right, Nino thought. He always right.
He was wrong when he thought that Ohno can never read him anymore, that the love between them had stopped. He lived feeling unsecure about them. Since the day he woke up, finding out that he lost his child to the accident, due to his own mistakes, he couldn’t find a reason why for them to stay forever. The word forever itself scared him. it felt like it could never happen.
But watching Ohno now, kneeling in front of him, tears never stop falling, messing his face with tears, makes it hard for him. he doubt the man, when all the man felt for him never stop from beginning.
“I don’t deserved you,” Nino finally said something, choking a little on his words. still kneeling, Ohno replied.
“no. it was me who don’t deserved you after all the hurt I caused you. forgive me, please. Give me a chance,”
Ohno was apologizing for a mistake he never done. For the first time in that three month living in the mess, Nino felt so guilty to the man. So hurt by what he was doing, so tired with everything. Slowly, he fell on his knees, his body shivered as he cried out loud. Before he knew it, he was in Ohno’s embrace, crying out loud his apologize.
“I’m sorry Oh-chan. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he chanted the word.
“it’s ok, Kazu. It’s ok,” Ohno hugged the weeping man tight. “Everything will be fine. We will be fine. Just give us a chance,”
Nino keeps on weeping in his embrace. Somehow, being in Ohno’s embrace make him felt safe.
Epilogue
3 years later
He rubbed his hand a few times, rub them to his face, feeling nervous. The exact feeling he felt 12 years ago when both he and Ohno went to take Shin.
His hand felt cold, his leg couldn’t stop shaking. His mind kept wondering if everything will be fine again, wondering if the decision he ask from Ohno will work with them fine enough this time.
All his action repeated until Ohno’s hand went on him, stop the actions altogether. He turn to his side, to look at Ohno who’s giving him an assuring smile.
“It will be fine,” Ohno said, rubbing Nino’s back slowly.
“What if it doesn’t? What if I do the same mistake?”
“You won’t. You’ll love her,” Ohno took him close towards him.
“I’ve became a bad parent before, Oh-chan. maybe we should stop this. I don’t-“
“Shhh,” Ohno put his fingers on Nino’s lips. “Give it a chance. Let’s help each other. I won’t leave you alone this time,”
Somehow, the words manage to lift up all the tense from him. Nino took a deep breath, calming down, entwining his and Ohno’s finger together.
He heard the sound of the door opened, revealing a woman with a baby in her embrace. The woman smile slightly at the two men.
“As what I’ve told you, it’s a baby girl,” she said, before Ohno took the baby, cuddling her. “There’s a few form, just like before. Once we done with all the documents, you can leave. I’ll wait for you in the office, Ohno-san,”
Ohno nodded, smile at the woman before she left them in the room.
He didn’t want to force Nino. That’s what he had promised to Nino earlier. But then again, he understand Nino’s to well. The man didn’t have to say a word, he knew him just by a simple gesture. Smiling to Nino, he said.
“wanna hold her?”
“Can I?”
Ohno didn’t answer. Slowly, he passed the baby girl to Nino. He could sense tense in Nino’s, but he keep assuring him that it’s fine. But the tense was just for a while, before the frown on Nino’s face replace by a soothing smile as he observed the sleeping baby.
“So beautiful,” Nino said, poking the baby’s cheek. When the baby stirs in his sleep, Ohno could see how beautiful the smile on Nino’s lips.
“She is. Just like you,” Ohno complimented the both of them, making Nino to blush a little.
“Cheesy, old man,” he said, closing their distance together so that Ohno could have a proper look on the baby. “Can I name him?”
Ohno widen his eyes by the sudden question
“Manami,” Nino decided without looking at his partner. After a while of silent of observing, caressing the baby face lightly, he turned to Ohno who’s looking at him intently, slightly curious by the man. “It means beautiful love. Just like the way you love me,”
Ohno chuckled.
“So… you only concern about my love towards you? What about your love towards me?”
“I will love you forever if you love me forever too, Satoshi,”
“Of course I’m gonna love forever. Until death do us apart. Remember that vow?” he kissed Nino on his forehead lightly, embracing him closer towards him before lean a little to the baby girl. “and of course I’m gonna love you forever too, Manami-chan,”
Ohno said, poking the baby’s cheek. While his other hand keeps embracing Nino towards him, his other hand playing with the baby girl, caressing her face and hair, stroking Manami’s hand lightly. He gasped surprised when the baby gripped one of his fingers, making Nino to laugh by the silliness of his husband.
And then, they fell silent.
“Look Shin. Your papa is happy. As I had promised you, I’ll take care of your papa until the day that I can’t anymore,” he said while observing the sleeping baby girl, his tears in his eyes waiting to fall. “Be your sister’s guardian angel will you?”
He said, looking up once before turn back to the baby girl.
Nino doesn’t say any word as a response. Instead, he leaned his head on Ohno’s shoulder, letting the man to embrace him even tighter. They stay in silent for a few minutes before Nino opened his mouth to utter his sincere feeling for Ohno, knowing the man deserved it after all that happened. This is their new beginning, and he would never let anything to ruin their new life. Never again.
“I love you, Ohno Satoshi,” he said, not even looking at his husband, but his head comfortably laid oh Ohno’s shoulder.
Ohno smiled. Even if he need to repeat it every day, every year, every time, forever, he will do it without hesitant. He love Nino, and that’s what matters.
“I love you too, Ninomiya Kazunari,”
__________________________________________________________________________
~owari~
