[ongoing] For Who You Are - Ohmiya (8/10)
Mar. 2nd, 2015 10:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ica_90Unbeta
Eight –It's a beautiful baby boy
He was by my side, rushing towards the ER. I could hear people talking around me, instructions and suggestions one after another but he was there with me, his hand linking to mine. His mouth chanted ‘it’s ok, you’re gonna be fine’ without failed but it seems useless to me, especially when the pain I felt was unbearable. For the first time since I get to know about it, I curse the baby inside me for causing me so much pain.
“FUCK IT! IT’S HURT!” I yelled out. Tears were strolling down to the side of my face. It’s too much! “FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME DO THIS OH-CHAN! I HATE YOU!”
He knew it I didn’t mean those words. he knew it the pain was the one making me yell out all those words to him. But he never leaved. And the words he chanted earlier never stopped from leaving his mouth. He never seems to get bored saying it.
“SHIT! SHIT! SHIT. JUST GET THAT DEVIL OUT OF ME ALREADY!” Once again, my scream echoed the hallway. I don’t care about it anymore. the journey to the ER seems forever and I don’t know how much longer should I bear all the pain and it’s frustrating me.
“Kazu, you shouldn’t say that about him. He’s just an innocent baby,”
“I DON’T CARE!” and again the pain struck me again. My grip on the mattress earlier, I let it go before finding Oh-chan’s hand, gripping it hard making him to whimper painfully. “Please, Satoshi. Ask them to make it fast! I can’t handle it anymore. Please. Please,” I beg, whimpered along the tears that never stopped from coming out from my eyes.
Oh-chan was crying too. But I care less about it. I’m such a selfish human being right now that I never care of my surrounding. I care less when I heard the other members’ voices rushing towards us, asking about the situation. Are they fucking retarded? Can’t they see it how much I was bearing all the pain by myself?
“Only the husband is allowed to be in the ER. Please wait outside,” I heard the nurse calm voice asking the other member to stay outside. Idiot nurse. Me and Oh-chan, we’re not even married. You can’t call him my husband.
I tried to look at them only to notice not only them was there. Kaachan, neechan and ohno-kaachan was there too. I tried to call them, but again the pain struck me that I forget about it.
So many terms and I refuse to understand about it anymore. I just want this to end and I don’t care of the outcome of it. If the baby alive or dead, I won’t care about it anymore.
The room was in rush. Even that calms doctor before looked panic than ever. But my grip on Oh-chan hand stayed the same. he kiss my hand a few time, wiping the tears and sweat on my face.
“It’s ok, Kazu. You can do it. The two of you can do it,” he said, kissing me on my temple lovingly. I can’t stop myself from crying; of the pain and the way he showed he cared.
But the doctor’s next words scared me to the hell.
“I’m sorry Ohno-san. But the baby needed to be deliver as quick as possible. We’re going to put Ninomiya-san under general anesthetic now due to the complication that the baby might be born unsafe,”
What? No. no. no. Oh-chan, you can’t leave me alone here.
“but I can’t-“
“I understand how much you wanna stay by his side now, ohno-san. But our priority now is to safe both the mother and the child. We’re going to put him under general anesthetic and he only wakes up once the baby is born. We need your full cooperation on this matter Ohno-san and we need it quick,”
Scripted, I said in my head. I’m a man, stupid doctor! The word mother wasn’t supposed to be directed to me. But this isn’t the time to argue Ninomiya Kazunari. This need to end fast. You don’t care how it should be but you just want Ohno Satoshi to be next to you. That’s it.
I turned to look at my side, trying to look at Oh-chan’s face. Hesitation was written all over his face and tears were strolling down his cheeks.
“Please safe them both, sensei, that’s all I could asked you,” he said, letting go of his grip on my hand. No, Oh-chan! What the hell are you thinking? I need you here next to me.
But the only thing I heard next was “we’ll try our best, ohno-san,” before I passed out completely.
****
The moment I woke up, the smell of medicine filled my nostril. I hate it. and I hate it even more when I could feel pain on my stomach. Wrong. It was all over my body.
Oh-chan was nowhere to be seen. No one was there next to me and it stayed that way for a few hours. Even when the doctor came, I refused to say a word.
‘normal,’ was what the doctor said. he means my vitals and everything related to it I guess, and I’m sure he guess it good that he could see some depression in me.
He tried to give me some advice in which I completely ignore it. None of his words manage to make it to my brain to be process. He leaved after heaving a sigh.
I know by now, I should be breastfeeding the baby. But I’m glad enough that it was nowhere to be seen. I don’t want it. I don’t want to take care about it anymore. It’s enough for him to be in me for this past 6 months and the only thing he gave me in the end was just pain.
I don’t want to see it. Not now. Or forever.
But I guess god just don’t listen to my request. 5 hours after I woke up, Oh-chan walked into the room. I could see his beautiful smile but my lips refusing to form one for him. He approached me slowly, took me into his embrace as he kissed me on my head.
“Thank you, Kazu. He’s such a beautiful baby boy,”
I hate it! god, Satoshi. Please leave me alone. One time you’re saying it’s fine to not having the baby if he caused me pain and now you’re thanking me for having one? You’re a jerk. You’re a-
But before I could finish my own monologue, the members came in, along with kaachan and neechan and ohno-kaachan too. They’re way too hype that it almost make me puke. But then the nurse came in with the baby in her arms. I could see how happy the people inside the room are, poking the baby’s cheek and Sho-chan’s endless rambling about toys and books that could enhance the baby’s brain, or Jun-kun’s talks about latest baby fashion or Aiba ridiculous suggestion that I can’t stand of.
I hate it but at the same time I felt sorry for them for breaking the happiness they’re enjoying at the moment.
The nurse walked approaching me, showing me the baby to hold. He’s cute. Just like Oh-chan has said. He’s a beautiful baby boy. But I can’t. I don’t want to.
I turned my face away from looking at it before I said something that silent the happiness in the room.
“Take it away,”
Silent.
“Kazu, it’s our-“
“I said take.it.away! I don’t want to see that devil who has make me bearing all the pain by myself,”
Again, silent.
“And please leave me alone! Everyone!” I yelled at them before hid myself under the blanket, silently crying my pain.
_________________________________________________________________________
no matter how much i tried to not get carried away this is still 1000+ words. hence, no more drabble for me XD
edit: i need beta for the sequel to maybe a goodbye. my beta is too busy with her RL and i didn't want to trouble her. i don't mind if you have to critic my work while doing it. i took it as a process of learning.
tqvm~
Eight –It's a beautiful baby boy
He was by my side, rushing towards the ER. I could hear people talking around me, instructions and suggestions one after another but he was there with me, his hand linking to mine. His mouth chanted ‘it’s ok, you’re gonna be fine’ without failed but it seems useless to me, especially when the pain I felt was unbearable. For the first time since I get to know about it, I curse the baby inside me for causing me so much pain.
“FUCK IT! IT’S HURT!” I yelled out. Tears were strolling down to the side of my face. It’s too much! “FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME DO THIS OH-CHAN! I HATE YOU!”
He knew it I didn’t mean those words. he knew it the pain was the one making me yell out all those words to him. But he never leaved. And the words he chanted earlier never stopped from leaving his mouth. He never seems to get bored saying it.
“SHIT! SHIT! SHIT. JUST GET THAT DEVIL OUT OF ME ALREADY!” Once again, my scream echoed the hallway. I don’t care about it anymore. the journey to the ER seems forever and I don’t know how much longer should I bear all the pain and it’s frustrating me.
“Kazu, you shouldn’t say that about him. He’s just an innocent baby,”
“I DON’T CARE!” and again the pain struck me again. My grip on the mattress earlier, I let it go before finding Oh-chan’s hand, gripping it hard making him to whimper painfully. “Please, Satoshi. Ask them to make it fast! I can’t handle it anymore. Please. Please,” I beg, whimpered along the tears that never stopped from coming out from my eyes.
Oh-chan was crying too. But I care less about it. I’m such a selfish human being right now that I never care of my surrounding. I care less when I heard the other members’ voices rushing towards us, asking about the situation. Are they fucking retarded? Can’t they see it how much I was bearing all the pain by myself?
“Only the husband is allowed to be in the ER. Please wait outside,” I heard the nurse calm voice asking the other member to stay outside. Idiot nurse. Me and Oh-chan, we’re not even married. You can’t call him my husband.
I tried to look at them only to notice not only them was there. Kaachan, neechan and ohno-kaachan was there too. I tried to call them, but again the pain struck me that I forget about it.
So many terms and I refuse to understand about it anymore. I just want this to end and I don’t care of the outcome of it. If the baby alive or dead, I won’t care about it anymore.
The room was in rush. Even that calms doctor before looked panic than ever. But my grip on Oh-chan hand stayed the same. he kiss my hand a few time, wiping the tears and sweat on my face.
“It’s ok, Kazu. You can do it. The two of you can do it,” he said, kissing me on my temple lovingly. I can’t stop myself from crying; of the pain and the way he showed he cared.
But the doctor’s next words scared me to the hell.
“I’m sorry Ohno-san. But the baby needed to be deliver as quick as possible. We’re going to put Ninomiya-san under general anesthetic now due to the complication that the baby might be born unsafe,”
What? No. no. no. Oh-chan, you can’t leave me alone here.
“but I can’t-“
“I understand how much you wanna stay by his side now, ohno-san. But our priority now is to safe both the mother and the child. We’re going to put him under general anesthetic and he only wakes up once the baby is born. We need your full cooperation on this matter Ohno-san and we need it quick,”
Scripted, I said in my head. I’m a man, stupid doctor! The word mother wasn’t supposed to be directed to me. But this isn’t the time to argue Ninomiya Kazunari. This need to end fast. You don’t care how it should be but you just want Ohno Satoshi to be next to you. That’s it.
I turned to look at my side, trying to look at Oh-chan’s face. Hesitation was written all over his face and tears were strolling down his cheeks.
“Please safe them both, sensei, that’s all I could asked you,” he said, letting go of his grip on my hand. No, Oh-chan! What the hell are you thinking? I need you here next to me.
But the only thing I heard next was “we’ll try our best, ohno-san,” before I passed out completely.
****
The moment I woke up, the smell of medicine filled my nostril. I hate it. and I hate it even more when I could feel pain on my stomach. Wrong. It was all over my body.
Oh-chan was nowhere to be seen. No one was there next to me and it stayed that way for a few hours. Even when the doctor came, I refused to say a word.
‘normal,’ was what the doctor said. he means my vitals and everything related to it I guess, and I’m sure he guess it good that he could see some depression in me.
He tried to give me some advice in which I completely ignore it. None of his words manage to make it to my brain to be process. He leaved after heaving a sigh.
I know by now, I should be breastfeeding the baby. But I’m glad enough that it was nowhere to be seen. I don’t want it. I don’t want to take care about it anymore. It’s enough for him to be in me for this past 6 months and the only thing he gave me in the end was just pain.
I don’t want to see it. Not now. Or forever.
But I guess god just don’t listen to my request. 5 hours after I woke up, Oh-chan walked into the room. I could see his beautiful smile but my lips refusing to form one for him. He approached me slowly, took me into his embrace as he kissed me on my head.
“Thank you, Kazu. He’s such a beautiful baby boy,”
I hate it! god, Satoshi. Please leave me alone. One time you’re saying it’s fine to not having the baby if he caused me pain and now you’re thanking me for having one? You’re a jerk. You’re a-
But before I could finish my own monologue, the members came in, along with kaachan and neechan and ohno-kaachan too. They’re way too hype that it almost make me puke. But then the nurse came in with the baby in her arms. I could see how happy the people inside the room are, poking the baby’s cheek and Sho-chan’s endless rambling about toys and books that could enhance the baby’s brain, or Jun-kun’s talks about latest baby fashion or Aiba ridiculous suggestion that I can’t stand of.
I hate it but at the same time I felt sorry for them for breaking the happiness they’re enjoying at the moment.
The nurse walked approaching me, showing me the baby to hold. He’s cute. Just like Oh-chan has said. He’s a beautiful baby boy. But I can’t. I don’t want to.
I turned my face away from looking at it before I said something that silent the happiness in the room.
“Take it away,”
Silent.
“Kazu, it’s our-“
“I said take.it.away! I don’t want to see that devil who has make me bearing all the pain by myself,”
Again, silent.
“And please leave me alone! Everyone!” I yelled at them before hid myself under the blanket, silently crying my pain.
_________________________________________________________________________
no matter how much i tried to not get carried away this is still 1000+ words. hence, no more drabble for me XD
Seven :Hormones Effects and Insecurites || current || Nine :
edit: i need beta for the sequel to maybe a goodbye. my beta is too busy with her RL and i didn't want to trouble her. i don't mind if you have to critic my work while doing it. i took it as a process of learning.
tqvm~
