ica_90

Title : [Oneshot] Hopeless and Hope
Author : ica_90
Beta by : ivenclaire
Pairing : Yama (this is my first time writing this pair)
Genre: Angst, AU, MPreg (as requested by anon)
Rating : PG-15
Summary: Just when one of them was losing hope, the other will be there, giving the hope he needed.
Disclaimer : I don’t gain any profit by writing fic. None of this is true, it’s fiction.

Author's notes:
Dear Anon who requested this;
I'm sorry if this doesn't satisfy you. But this is my first time writing Yama. To be honest, I'm not really fond of Yama but the prompt interested me and I just needed something to write for nano. Hopefully, this meets your expectations. (i’m sorry if it is not T_T)
Also for the rainbowfilling prompt: Take it or leave it.

Sho doesn't hate Tokyo. But sometimes, for some people, fate is just written in an unexpected way. Sometimes, it's cruel.

Born in a rich family, Sho couldn't trust anyone when it comes to the word 'friendship'. He has always thought and he has proven it many times that people just befriend him because of his fortune. That's why he just can't make himself believe that there would at least be someone who would be there and stay by his side if something unfortunate will happen in his life.

Again, he has proven himself right when unfortunate things did happen to him. His parents and younger siblings were involved in an accident. They passed away, instantly leaving him an orphan, all alone in this world. With their passing, he was left to take care of all their family's fortune including their house. Sho couldn't handle the grief, the pain, the sadness, and the stress, and it resulted in him failing his university entrance exam. This has ruined the future he had been dreaming about.

Sho thought his life was over. He has lost his family and being back in the house which holds his family's memories is just too painful for him. He couldn't stop mourning over his loss and his failure. He doesn't even know what's his reason for living anymore, not when his future and his support are no longer there for him.

He left the house. He put it up for rent to anyone. He just couldn't handle the memories the house holds for him. He moved to the other side of Tokyo, the side which is more quiet and away from the main hub and Ohno followed him.

Ohno Satoshi. Sho had always thought that this laid back, sleepy guy is one of those people who befriended him for his fortune. But Ohno was the only person who came and visited him, he was the only one who checked in on him and made sure that he is fine after all the things that has happened in his life. He was there the day when Sho just broke, yelling, lashing out his frustrations, cursing his fate. He threw glasses everywhere until one of them hit Ohno on the head. Seeing Ohno hurt because of his doing made Sho stop his rampage. He couldn't utter his apologies. All he could do was cry so hard and kneel on the floor with his body shaking, letting the tears he has been holding after all this while fall.

His apologies were stuck in his throat, none of them managed to slip through his mouth. And just before he could break down completely, a warm embrace wrapped around him, giving him hope which he has thought had left him completely. Ohno's words lightened his burden. And before he knew it, he wanted to live again, and Ohno supported him all the way throughout his miserable life.

Ohno was always there for him. He took care of him. He listened to every single problem he faced in his life, and sometimes, Ohno would propose some suggestions. One of Ohno's suggestions was for him to retake the university entrance exam which he successfully passed. That was when his life started to change for the better.

He felt blessed having Ohno in his life. He couldn't help but feel amazed at the man. Despite how lazy he looked, every word that come out of his mouth always forms a miracle afterwards. It was hard to tell when all those adoration and amazement turned into love. He vowed to himself that he'll always be by Ohno's side no matter how tough the situation might be, just like how Ohno had stayed by his side during the hardest time of his life.

But of course, fate was written in an unexpected way.

***

His love for the older man was unspoken, buried deep inside his own heart. But one day, Ohno came back with a man next to him. He introduced him as Takuma, his boyfriend.

First impression matters. And from that first impression, Sho knew Takuma wasn't good for Ohno. The man was five years older than Ohno, he was jobless and his messy appearance didn't make anything better. At first meeting, the man had analyzed the house, sneakily putting into his pocket the money Sho had left unintentionally on the table, smirking when he noticed Sho was looking at him. That was the first and last time they met each other.

Sho couldn't bring himself to warn Ohno about Takuma. He wanted to tell Ohno that he could do so much better, even if the man is not him. But watching how happy Ohno was, he couldn't tell him, he couldn't warn him. All he could do was fake a smile every single time Ohno comes back and tells him things about Takuma. "I'm glad you're happy with him" Sho would say to Ohno even though none of those words sincerely came from his heart.

But of course, Sho was right. Not even 3 months after Ohno introduced Takuma to him, Ohno came back one night with bruises on the corner of his lips. The man couldn't even look at Sho when he tried to look at him. Ohno avoided Sho's questions with all his might. Rushing to his room, he left Sho alone in the living room, he left him wondering about what had happened to him.

And of course, it didn't stop there. The first bruises were almost healed when Ohno came back with another bruise on his face; this time on his right eye.

Sho has had enough.

"What have you done to get all these bruises, Satoshi?" Sho asked, furious. But Ohno chose to stay silent. He tried to rush to his room again but this time, Sho stopped him. He grabbed the man by the hand but Ohno hissed in pain.

Sho released Ohno's hand and Ohno continued walking to his room. However, he stopped not far from Sho, his back facing him. Only then did Sho realize that both of Ohno's wrists had bruises too.

"Satoshi..."

"Sho-kun," Ohno paused, his body shaking. "I really don't want to talk about it. Please..."

Sho could feel how miserable Ohno was. He felt helpless, especially when Ohno violently refused his touch. Something horrible happened and Sho felt so useless for not being able to prevent things.

He spent the night accompanying the man in his room, comforting him with supportive words. He felt useless as he watched Ohno stare into space and drift off to sleep.

When Sho woke up the next morning, Ohno's bed was empty. He left a note saying that he went out.

But Ohno didn't return that night, or the next day, or the next week, or the next month. He just left, he didn't return. He left Sho alone in the house praying for his safety.

Ohno only came back 3 months later, his body covered in bruises and he is skinnier than before.

Sho didn't ask anything. He just couldn’t. Not when he saw how bad Ohno's condition was. When the man ran into his embrace and cried, Sho couldn't say anything. His hand clenched on Ohno's shirt in frustration and anger. He wanted to say something but he just couldn't voice it out.

Not now.

He didn't need to ask. He perfectly understands the situation.

Once again, he vowed to stay by Ohno's side, especially right now that bad things are happening.

***

"Congratulations, Ohno-san! You're pregnant."

Having those words slur pass the doctor's lips, Ohno felt his world collapse around him.

It's not possible. It couldn't be. Those are the things he kept on chanting inside his head. And it never stopped.

His body was shaking; sweat started running through his skin, mixing with the tears he didn't even realize had flowed from his eyes. His mind was screaming at how ridiculous it was. A man bearing a child in his own body? It's disgusting. This thought tormented him. Possibilities flew one after the other inside his mind, thinking about how he was supposed to face the world later on. Who should he lean on when his family has abandoned him when he was still a child? He is alone. He has no one aside from Sho.

But he was too scared to see Sho's reactions about all the things that had happened. He didn't even dare to lift his head up to face the man. He was scared that Sho will leave him too, just like Takuma who left him in that dark street after enjoying his body with his friends.

Ohno hates himself. He should have seen it. He should have realized that Takuma never loved him the same way he did. He should have realized that it was just lust, that he was only used to satisfy his lust. When he refused, Takuma forced him, and when he had enough, he left him, weak and humiliated. He should have run away when he had the chance last time. But he didn't. He convinced himself that he loved him.

Stupid. He was an idiot.

There's nothing he could do to undo everything. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop his tears from falling. He couldn't process anything in his head, and the next thing he heard was Sho's voice, finally saying something since the time the news had been broken to them.

"Satoshi, let's go home." Sho said softly while trying to help Ohno stand up. But Ohno just pushed him away, the skin contact made him feel sick. It made him remember the night he was beaten badly by that jerk before he was raped.

But Sho was being stubborn. Though he knew he'll only be pushed away, he insisted on supporting the man. He wrapped his arm around the man's weakened body as they headed home. He just wanted to be there, by Ohno's side, to support him like what Ohno did for him before. He wanted to tell the man that despite of everything that has happened, he will never leave him. He will be there because he wants to be there. Because he loves Ohno.

But Ohno was too tired to think of anything else. He had been crying too much and it has tired him. He let Sho do everything; put him to bed, tuck the blanket in, stay next to him and watch him sleep.

He wanted it all to be just a nightmare. He wants to wake up and say, "I was having a nightmare." But no. This was the reality he has to face from now on.

***

It was horrible.

Ohno was rejecting him. He just wanted to be alone and he kept saying his life was worthless. He locked himself inside his room and he was completely ignoring the other existence in the house.

Sho felt extremely bad. He felt helpless and useless. When those bad things happened to him three years ago, Ohno was there, he was there insisting that he would always be by Sho's side no matter what. But now, with Ohno pushing him away, Sho wonders if he could do the same for the man.

He couldn't.

Ohno was destroying himself. Sho was helpless, he can't do anything as he watch Ohno get worse with every passing day. Ohno has completely abandoned his appearance, let alone the baby he carried inside him.

The peak of the whole mess was that day.

That morning, Sho peeked into the man's bedroom to see how he's doing. He saw Ohno lying on his bed, half awake, and was just staring at the ceiling aimlessly. Sho said a short "I'm leaving. I'll come back in the evening. Take care." to the man before leaving the house, uneasiness filling his mind.

It wasn't a few blocks away from his house that Sho stopped walking. All his movements coming to a halt. There's something inside him that was telling him not to go wherever he's going. It was screaming for him to head back home. Before he knew it, he was running on his feet, ignoring the classes that he should be attending.

God has spoken for them. He arrived just in time to see Ohno holding a blade against his wrist, ready to slit it any moment soon. Quickly, Sho rushed to the man's side and grabbed the blade away from him, wounding his own hand in the process.

It was like dejavu, only that their positions have changed. This time, it was Ohno who was broken and Sho was the one to embrace him.

"Please, Sho-kun. Kill me. I don't want to live anymore. Kill this baby too, please." Ohno pleaded over and over again but the only thing Sho did was to hold him even tighter and chant 'Daijoubu' into his ear to encourage him.

"It's a life, Satoshi. Killing that little life will only make you nothing but a murderer. You're going to regret it later."

Sho's words had an effect on Ohno. Slowly, he relaxed and his sobs were suddenly reduced. Ohno felt like Sho's words were giving him the hope to live. And Sho's next words doubled the encouragement.

"I promise you, Satoshi. I will never leave you alone. I promise you."

They stayed in that same position for a while. Before he realized it, he was driven to sleep in Sho's embrace. When he woke up, Sho was still next to him, still keeping him in his embrace.

He stayed.

*****

No, Ohno didn't heal completely. But one thing that Sho was glad about was that the man was finally opening up to him, though not wholly.

His routine did not change though. Ohno still spend most of his time alone in his room. But he was making progress. And Sho never left his side, even if it means risking his future by skipping his classes.

Sho cared for Ohno, but at the same time, he gave him the space he needed. He didn't force him to open up to him, but at the same time, he was there, just staying by his side, telling him that he is not alone.

Watching Ohno in that state hurts him. He was partly blaming himself for not being able to save his best friend, the love of his life, from this whole mess before it got worse. But he knows that no matter how much he tries to make things right again, to help Ohno heal himself, it would be useless if Ohno himself refuses to be healed. The healing process must begin with Ohno. He must accept what has happened to him and he must start to move on. And Sho will be there every step of the way.

But then...

Maybe he was wrong when he said that Ohno was making progress. Or maybe he just didn't realize that what the man has created was just a facade. He was pretending to be strong and he was forcing himself to try and move on.

Then one day, Ohno asked something that made Sho wonder if he has done things right.

"Why did you stay, Sho?" Ohno asked while Sho was treating the wound he got from a broken glass. "Did you stayed because you feel sorry for me? Or is it because you're just being grateful? I stayed beside you when you were at the lowest point of your life before, so now you're doing a favour for me. Am I right?"

Sho raised his head, his eyes meeting Ohno's. It was empty, Ohno's stare was empty. Empty as if they belonged to a dead man. Sho now understood how lifeless the man was.

But this wasn’t the time to give up too. If that was what Ohno thought was his reason for staying by his side, he needs to correct them. Even if Ohno will push him away afterwards, he will not regret anything.

"I didn't stay because I feel sorry for you, Satoshi." Sho said while putting all the medicine into the first aid box. "When I was at the lowest point of my life, you were there for me. When I put our house for rent and moved to this place, you followed me. You supported during the hardest time of my life. No matter how hard I pushed you away, you still stayed by my side. And before I knew it, I fell in love with you, Satoshi,”

Ohno looked at him. For the first time within those period, Sho saw life in the man’s eyes.

“When I realized that I have fallen in love with you, I promised myself that I will never leave you no matter what. No matter how much you push me away, I will still stay by your side, whether you like it or not. That's because I love you, Satoshi. I love you."

He took Ohno's hands into his, gripping it tight, eyes full of determination.

"When I realized that I was in love with you, I wanted to confess. I wanted to tell you my feelings, but I was too late. You have already fallen in love with another man."

He paused, taking one deep breath before continued again.

"Satoshi, the things that you went through were hard. I know. And no matter how much we wish for it, we can't turn back time and redo everything. We can't undo the things that have already been done. But believe me, Satoshi, regardless of what you went through, my love for you has not changed, and it will never change. I love you and that's the reason why I stayed."

There were tears about to fall from Ohno's eyes, he turned his face away from Sho and refused to face him anymore. But nothing could stop Sho this time. He continued despite Ohno pulling his hand out of his grasp.

"No matter how much you push me away, Satoshi, I will always be here for you. I will wait for you to love me. At the same time, I will show you that nothing can change my heart. Nothing can change my feelings for you." Sho said. Silence followed Sho's confession and declaration that he will never leave Ohno's side. But after a few minutes, he sighed when Ohno did not say anything. Heaving another sigh, he left Ohno alone in the room.

As he was alone, Ohno started to ponder on what Sho had said to him.

***

Sho didn't know when it started but his confession must have had a good effect on Ohno because one morning, he woke up to see Ohno in the kitchen, humming a song he can barely recognize while cooking.

He smiled, god, he missed that smile on the man’s lips; acknowledging Sho's presence in the kitchen. Sho couldn't stop himself from thanking God for giving such strength to the man.

For hours, he kept on watching the man prepare breakfast for them. He can't help but adore the beautiful, glowing face of the man.

Ohno was back to his usual, cheerful self. Though sometimes, he would still lapse into his day dreams when they run out of topics to talk about. Every time this happens, Sho would just chuckle, laughing at how much his love for the man has grown and how it is still growing everyday even without being reciprocated. Still, he would push those thoughts aside and he would go back to analyzing the man.

"Did you know that a pregnant mother will usually become more beautiful? Sho asked, causing the man to blush almost instantly.

"They say it's because the blood in your body increases and your oil glands become more active. That's the reason why you look glowing."

Ohno laughed.

"Or is it just because you're biased?"

"I guess I am, Satoshi."

Ohno laughed. Looking at Sho, somehow, all of a sudden, all his worries, all the hate, and all the insecurities he felt was gone, replaced by the feeling of being blessed.

Sho was always there. He stayed right next to him even through his worst days. Having Sho by his side was like the greatest gift God has ever given to him.

Hence, when Sho suddenly said that line, Ohno couldn't even say no. After all, he has already fallen in love with the man.

"Marry me, Satoshi." Sho said lovingly, softly stroking the visible bump on Ohno's stomach.

Ohno was blushing so hard when he finally replied.

"Please take care of me, Sho-kun." Sho leaned in to kiss him on the forehead.

It was only the beginning. But somehow, his lips curled into a smile when his thoughts brought him to the future. He sincerely hoped for happiness for them.

But with Sho, Ohno knew they would.

_________________________________________________________________________