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Mar. 17th, 2015 04:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ica_90Title: One more Chance (2/5)
Author: ica_90
Beta by :![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
inaudible_d
Pairing: Ohmiya (main), other pairing are mentioned, hinted later.
Genre: Angst for this one
Rating: PG to NC-17
Summary: Nino alive was like a second chance for Ohno. but it isn't one when all Nino does was setting up a wall between them.
Disclaimer: fanfiction. fiction. i know them not. wait i know them as arashi, not personally.own the plot, not the owner of the name
Note: sequel of Maybe a Goodbye. unbeta -.-""
this is for everyone who was asking for sequel... too bad, i wrote it too long.. ugh -.-"
Part two
The next two days passed fine for Nino. Aiba kept visiting him somehow, but still, he refused to talk. He kept listening to the taller man’s story about anything, everything. The topic was too random sometimes that Nino didn’t know where the root of the topic was by the end of the conversation.
Both Ohno and Jun never visited him since the day he woke up. And no, he didn’t take any offence by it. In fact, he was glad. He didn’t want to meet Ohno because he was afraid of breaking down again, and he didn’t want to meet Jun because he just didn’t want too. There’s no particular reason for it. Hence when the two didn’t visit him, he felt glad.
But on the third day, Jun finally came.
For once, Nino was panic. He was unsure of what he should do, or say, or react. In the end, he just kept his body stiff, acting calm, but at the same time tried to ignore whatever the man was going to say.
He gave the man an empty stare as Jun walked into the room, taking his seat on the chair next to him.
“Are you Ok?” Jun asked. Nino almost chuckled, thinking how the question was always the same from before. Jun would always ask him if he was alright when he didn’t look like one. The question always makes him strong somehow, and for that, he was grateful having Jun as friend.
Maybe that attitude of Jun made Ohno fall for the man. Jun was attentive, caring, nice man to be described as. While him? Just a selfish brat who often bully the man on TV. Who’s too spoiled to be taken care of. Maybe that’s the reason why Ohno had left him for Jun, Nino thought.
“Aiba was whining you know. About you being so quiet. Like a living corpse. Alive. Wide awake. But silent,” Jun started again but still, he didn’t received a reply. He kind of expected it already. After what Aiba had told him, he knew he shouldn’t expect an answer anyway.
“What have you been thinking Nino? How could you entrust me into someone who already caused enough damage on you? Are you planning to cause the damage on me next?” Jun’s sudden question startled him. He looked at the man, his lips was sealed tight. But Jun’s question sounded like an accusation. However, he replied.
“That’s not it,”
“What?”
“I said, that’s not it,”
“If it is not, what then?”Again Nino didn’t reply him. He went back to his earlier state, staring aimlessly to the empty wall in front of him. Jun sighed.
“You still love him, don’t you?”
Silence.
“Nino, what kind of friend I’ve become? For me to be in a relationship with someone who you’re in love with, doesn’t bring any benefit to us. In fact, it only brings damage to you,”
For a moment, Jun kept staring at his band mate. He was hoping to get at least a reaction from the man. One big reaction. He’d be fine with it even if Nino’s going to yell at him, or strangle him to death. He’s fine with it. Because he knew he deserved it. While people kept saying it is was majorly Ohno’s fault, but deep inside him, Jun thought that he’s a part of it as well.
He should have guessed that closeness between the two wasn’t an act. Those two was too close to the point it was disgusting. But every single time the member asked if there’s anything between the two, Ohno will shrugged it off. Come to think about it, Nino never deny it. That makes a lot of sense.
Of course the two did cause some suspicious theories revolving in his mind. About the possibilities that they might have a relationship that they were hiding. But those thought stopped when Ohno suddenly confessed to him one day. It surprised him of course; he never thought that he would have a relationship with his own band mate. Not after what he’s been through with Sho before. It took him quite a period to think. But Ohno was so nice at him, asking him to not force it if he doesn’t want to. But in the end, Jun thought that maybe he should give themselves a try.
A thought that has led to this situation.
He sighed.
You still love him, don’t you?” he asked, only to see Nino lowered his head. “You do.”
“it doesn’t make any difference,” Nino replied, refused to look at Jun. “We’ve ended,”
“But you still love him. And Nino, maybe you’re saying that I’m lying to you. But he loves you too. He finally realizes his mistakes. And he wants to make everything right between the two of you again. Would you give him a chance?”
“no,”
“Why not?”
“How could I keep this relationship going when every time the only thing I could think is he don’t love me but you? if he really does love me, isn’t it too late? I’ve broken enough. I did something horrible to him, he must have looked at me differently now. And Jun, pity love doesn’t work,”
“So you’re passing me your trash?” Jun shot back, gritting his teeth.
“He’s not a trash!” Nino shot back, glaring at him. But just for a while, before he brought his sight towards another direction.
“He’s not a trash,” he repeated again with a small voice. Tears were flowing out from his eyes before he wiped it away, hoping that Jun won’t see it.
Unfortunately, Jun saw it. He sighed once before he finally said something, concluding their conversation.
“You still love him, Nino. And I completely understand it. You think he don’t deserved it,”
“I don’t just think, Jun. I strongly believe that he doesn’t deserved it,” he confirmed the man, took his sight away from meeting Jun’s face. “I deserve happiness, and that, I couldn’t found when I was with him,”
Tears were flowing out from his eyes again and this time, Nino didn’t care to wipe it away. Because he knew if he did, it will fall again. Everything that happened had been too much for him. He was hurt and thinking about everything made it even worst. His heart was wounded; his love for Ohno was taken for granted and he had done the worst thing to the man. At this point, he didn’t even know if his life was worth enough to keep on living.
“Do you know how painful it is? Things happened. I can’t turn it back. No one can. And it’s hurting me. I don’t know, jun. I just don’t want to live anymore. It’s not worth-,” Nino said, choking on his last words as he uttered them.
He wanted to stop loving the man, after everything that happened. But why can’t he stop it? He can’t stop thinking about him and it’s torturing him inside? Why can’t he stop loving Ohno after what had happened? The hurt was too much for him to bear and death was the only solution That’s what he kept thinking.
But then, he felt hands were wrapping around his body before he realized it was Jun, who’s crying silently.
“You’re hurt,” Jun said a matter of fact. “But you can’t die, Nino. If you think that Ohno didn’t need you anymore, please remember that at least there will be one people who still needeyou. you need to live for that person,”
“Who?” Nino asked, his lips shivered as he questioned the man.
“Fans. Us, Aiba-chan, Sho-kun. Me,” Jun paused, biting his lips. But at the same time, he tighten his embrace on the man, trying to pour the confidence into the man as much as he could. “Arashi is five, Nino. You may think you’re worthless, but thousands, maybe even million felt that you’re worth for their life. Never forget it. Please. I beg you,”
He didn’t reply though. For a while, he let himself to be kept in Jun’s embrace. It isn’t anything special, he thought . But somehow, it makes him comfortable. The man’s embrace made him felt needed. Felt worthy. Brings him courage to live again. Or maybe to find a happy life for himself. Even if it was without Ohno around.
“We’ll be here, Nino. its ok.” he heard Jun said, his voice shaking as he uttered the words. “And please, forgive me for being a part of your sadness,”
He nodded hearing that. He wasn’t really sure what the nodded was for; either to let himself to lean at the earlier mentioned name or just to agree to Jun’s word, but at the same time he hoped that whatever Jun was saying is true.
“You’re not the one to apologize, Jun. I’m sorry,” Nino replied him, taking one deep breath as he made a promise to himself, to never hurt himself again. Tears keep falling from his eyes but he didn’t bother to wipe it away.
Ohno who was listening behind the door the whole time cried too.
After all the hurt he had caused to the man, after all the damage he had cause to their relation, Ohno knew, he needed to do something to at least gain an apology from the man.
******************
Of course it was never been that easy. Everyone was against him.
The fact that the Jimusho got in to the problem made it even harder.
“It’s much better for the two of you to keep some distance,” was what Johnny-san told them. While Ohno couldn’t go against the instruction, Nino simply said ‘you don’t have to worry about it. The mistake won’t happened again,” and that sentence made Ohno to realize how thin the chance he has to have Nino again.
Nino set up the wall between them too high for him to pass. Ohno noticed how Nino was avoiding him with all his might.
Standing next to each other will have one big gap between them, and every conversation made was plain awkward. No more joke, or bullying.
Every single effort he made was useless. Not once Nino ever allowed some space for them to have a conversation. When he did one, Nino would give him an empty stare, ignoring all his words without even replying to one. or even worst, the man would leave him alone in the greenroom.
“you can’t blame him, Ohno-kun,” Sho said that night they went out together. “I think he’s paranoid,”
“If you said about being paranoid, Sho-chan, I should be the one. I was kidnapped, fucked every night. Yes, I might be the reason to the things happened. But why can’t he give me another chance, to make everything right again. He does nothing than pushing me away,”
“Now you’re being selfish, Ohno-kun,” Sho replied calmly. “He was hurt. Maybe I don’t hear this from Nino himself. But he told everything to Aiba. About how he gave everything to make things work between the two of you but all he got is nothing. You took him for granted and he kept thinking where has it gone wrong. But he still couldn’t find the answer why you can’t love him the way he loves you,”
Ohno fell silent. Sho indeed has put the sense in him, making him to feel so much guiltier.
“He was just afraid to give you one more chance. He is afraid if you’re going to ruin it again,”
“So he hated me now?” Ohno asked, frustrated in his voice. He slurred down the beer through his throat, but it tasted so bad. It wasn’t the taste of the beer, but the fact he said earlier made everything felt bitter.
He was at the verge of crying when Sho sighed replying to him.
“I don’t say he hate you. The three of us agree that maybe Nino still love you. But that is also the reason why he was avoiding you. He was afraid of being hurt again,”
He swallowed his own saliva. Sho did make a lot of sense. Nino was avoiding him with all his might. And whatever Sho was saying just now, must be the truth to it.
But Ohno isn’t stupid. Even with Sho telling him that, he could have guessed the reason. But still, the distance between them made him sad. Maybe he finally realized how stupid he had become. He has someone who loved him before, to an extent that Nino almost killed himself when he couldn’t find a way out from their broken relationship. Ohno never realized it before, that letting Nino go will be the biggest lost he ever had in his life.
“It’s not that I’m against your decision, Ohno-kun. But I think Nino had it enough. He has hurt. Damaged to be exact. I just think that maybe it’s time for you to let him be, to let him find his own happiness. He decided that now. I think you should too,”
A painful stab was felt in his chest. If before, he never thought of anything when he decided to break up with Nino. He never cared if the man will be hurt by his own decision. If the man will ever move on from him. But now, hearing those words from Sho, hurts him. So much that he could feel his energy was draining away.
He wanted to cry. He really needed to, because the pain was unbearable. He stood from his seat, clumsily putting all his stuff into his bag, leaving Sho alone in the bar.
He remembered crying hard as he arrived home, waking up the next morning with a massive amount of headache.
__________________________________________________________________
Part 1 || current
Author: ica_90
Beta by :
inaudible_dPairing: Ohmiya (main), other pairing are mentioned, hinted later.
Genre: Angst for this one
Rating: PG to NC-17
Summary: Nino alive was like a second chance for Ohno. but it isn't one when all Nino does was setting up a wall between them.
Disclaimer: fanfiction. fiction. i know them not. wait i know them as arashi, not personally.own the plot, not the owner of the name
Note: sequel of Maybe a Goodbye. unbeta -.-""
this is for everyone who was asking for sequel... too bad, i wrote it too long.. ugh -.-"
Part two
The next two days passed fine for Nino. Aiba kept visiting him somehow, but still, he refused to talk. He kept listening to the taller man’s story about anything, everything. The topic was too random sometimes that Nino didn’t know where the root of the topic was by the end of the conversation.
Both Ohno and Jun never visited him since the day he woke up. And no, he didn’t take any offence by it. In fact, he was glad. He didn’t want to meet Ohno because he was afraid of breaking down again, and he didn’t want to meet Jun because he just didn’t want too. There’s no particular reason for it. Hence when the two didn’t visit him, he felt glad.
But on the third day, Jun finally came.
For once, Nino was panic. He was unsure of what he should do, or say, or react. In the end, he just kept his body stiff, acting calm, but at the same time tried to ignore whatever the man was going to say.
He gave the man an empty stare as Jun walked into the room, taking his seat on the chair next to him.
“Are you Ok?” Jun asked. Nino almost chuckled, thinking how the question was always the same from before. Jun would always ask him if he was alright when he didn’t look like one. The question always makes him strong somehow, and for that, he was grateful having Jun as friend.
Maybe that attitude of Jun made Ohno fall for the man. Jun was attentive, caring, nice man to be described as. While him? Just a selfish brat who often bully the man on TV. Who’s too spoiled to be taken care of. Maybe that’s the reason why Ohno had left him for Jun, Nino thought.
“Aiba was whining you know. About you being so quiet. Like a living corpse. Alive. Wide awake. But silent,” Jun started again but still, he didn’t received a reply. He kind of expected it already. After what Aiba had told him, he knew he shouldn’t expect an answer anyway.
“What have you been thinking Nino? How could you entrust me into someone who already caused enough damage on you? Are you planning to cause the damage on me next?” Jun’s sudden question startled him. He looked at the man, his lips was sealed tight. But Jun’s question sounded like an accusation. However, he replied.
“That’s not it,”
“What?”
“I said, that’s not it,”
“If it is not, what then?”Again Nino didn’t reply him. He went back to his earlier state, staring aimlessly to the empty wall in front of him. Jun sighed.
“You still love him, don’t you?”
Silence.
“Nino, what kind of friend I’ve become? For me to be in a relationship with someone who you’re in love with, doesn’t bring any benefit to us. In fact, it only brings damage to you,”
For a moment, Jun kept staring at his band mate. He was hoping to get at least a reaction from the man. One big reaction. He’d be fine with it even if Nino’s going to yell at him, or strangle him to death. He’s fine with it. Because he knew he deserved it. While people kept saying it is was majorly Ohno’s fault, but deep inside him, Jun thought that he’s a part of it as well.
He should have guessed that closeness between the two wasn’t an act. Those two was too close to the point it was disgusting. But every single time the member asked if there’s anything between the two, Ohno will shrugged it off. Come to think about it, Nino never deny it. That makes a lot of sense.
Of course the two did cause some suspicious theories revolving in his mind. About the possibilities that they might have a relationship that they were hiding. But those thought stopped when Ohno suddenly confessed to him one day. It surprised him of course; he never thought that he would have a relationship with his own band mate. Not after what he’s been through with Sho before. It took him quite a period to think. But Ohno was so nice at him, asking him to not force it if he doesn’t want to. But in the end, Jun thought that maybe he should give themselves a try.
A thought that has led to this situation.
He sighed.
You still love him, don’t you?” he asked, only to see Nino lowered his head. “You do.”
“it doesn’t make any difference,” Nino replied, refused to look at Jun. “We’ve ended,”
“But you still love him. And Nino, maybe you’re saying that I’m lying to you. But he loves you too. He finally realizes his mistakes. And he wants to make everything right between the two of you again. Would you give him a chance?”
“no,”
“Why not?”
“How could I keep this relationship going when every time the only thing I could think is he don’t love me but you? if he really does love me, isn’t it too late? I’ve broken enough. I did something horrible to him, he must have looked at me differently now. And Jun, pity love doesn’t work,”
“So you’re passing me your trash?” Jun shot back, gritting his teeth.
“He’s not a trash!” Nino shot back, glaring at him. But just for a while, before he brought his sight towards another direction.
“He’s not a trash,” he repeated again with a small voice. Tears were flowing out from his eyes before he wiped it away, hoping that Jun won’t see it.
Unfortunately, Jun saw it. He sighed once before he finally said something, concluding their conversation.
“You still love him, Nino. And I completely understand it. You think he don’t deserved it,”
“I don’t just think, Jun. I strongly believe that he doesn’t deserved it,” he confirmed the man, took his sight away from meeting Jun’s face. “I deserve happiness, and that, I couldn’t found when I was with him,”
Tears were flowing out from his eyes again and this time, Nino didn’t care to wipe it away. Because he knew if he did, it will fall again. Everything that happened had been too much for him. He was hurt and thinking about everything made it even worst. His heart was wounded; his love for Ohno was taken for granted and he had done the worst thing to the man. At this point, he didn’t even know if his life was worth enough to keep on living.
“Do you know how painful it is? Things happened. I can’t turn it back. No one can. And it’s hurting me. I don’t know, jun. I just don’t want to live anymore. It’s not worth-,” Nino said, choking on his last words as he uttered them.
He wanted to stop loving the man, after everything that happened. But why can’t he stop it? He can’t stop thinking about him and it’s torturing him inside? Why can’t he stop loving Ohno after what had happened? The hurt was too much for him to bear and death was the only solution That’s what he kept thinking.
But then, he felt hands were wrapping around his body before he realized it was Jun, who’s crying silently.
“You’re hurt,” Jun said a matter of fact. “But you can’t die, Nino. If you think that Ohno didn’t need you anymore, please remember that at least there will be one people who still needeyou. you need to live for that person,”
“Who?” Nino asked, his lips shivered as he questioned the man.
“Fans. Us, Aiba-chan, Sho-kun. Me,” Jun paused, biting his lips. But at the same time, he tighten his embrace on the man, trying to pour the confidence into the man as much as he could. “Arashi is five, Nino. You may think you’re worthless, but thousands, maybe even million felt that you’re worth for their life. Never forget it. Please. I beg you,”
He didn’t reply though. For a while, he let himself to be kept in Jun’s embrace. It isn’t anything special, he thought . But somehow, it makes him comfortable. The man’s embrace made him felt needed. Felt worthy. Brings him courage to live again. Or maybe to find a happy life for himself. Even if it was without Ohno around.
“We’ll be here, Nino. its ok.” he heard Jun said, his voice shaking as he uttered the words. “And please, forgive me for being a part of your sadness,”
He nodded hearing that. He wasn’t really sure what the nodded was for; either to let himself to lean at the earlier mentioned name or just to agree to Jun’s word, but at the same time he hoped that whatever Jun was saying is true.
“You’re not the one to apologize, Jun. I’m sorry,” Nino replied him, taking one deep breath as he made a promise to himself, to never hurt himself again. Tears keep falling from his eyes but he didn’t bother to wipe it away.
Ohno who was listening behind the door the whole time cried too.
After all the hurt he had caused to the man, after all the damage he had cause to their relation, Ohno knew, he needed to do something to at least gain an apology from the man.
******************
Of course it was never been that easy. Everyone was against him.
The fact that the Jimusho got in to the problem made it even harder.
“It’s much better for the two of you to keep some distance,” was what Johnny-san told them. While Ohno couldn’t go against the instruction, Nino simply said ‘you don’t have to worry about it. The mistake won’t happened again,” and that sentence made Ohno to realize how thin the chance he has to have Nino again.
Nino set up the wall between them too high for him to pass. Ohno noticed how Nino was avoiding him with all his might.
Standing next to each other will have one big gap between them, and every conversation made was plain awkward. No more joke, or bullying.
Every single effort he made was useless. Not once Nino ever allowed some space for them to have a conversation. When he did one, Nino would give him an empty stare, ignoring all his words without even replying to one. or even worst, the man would leave him alone in the greenroom.
“you can’t blame him, Ohno-kun,” Sho said that night they went out together. “I think he’s paranoid,”
“If you said about being paranoid, Sho-chan, I should be the one. I was kidnapped, fucked every night. Yes, I might be the reason to the things happened. But why can’t he give me another chance, to make everything right again. He does nothing than pushing me away,”
“Now you’re being selfish, Ohno-kun,” Sho replied calmly. “He was hurt. Maybe I don’t hear this from Nino himself. But he told everything to Aiba. About how he gave everything to make things work between the two of you but all he got is nothing. You took him for granted and he kept thinking where has it gone wrong. But he still couldn’t find the answer why you can’t love him the way he loves you,”
Ohno fell silent. Sho indeed has put the sense in him, making him to feel so much guiltier.
“He was just afraid to give you one more chance. He is afraid if you’re going to ruin it again,”
“So he hated me now?” Ohno asked, frustrated in his voice. He slurred down the beer through his throat, but it tasted so bad. It wasn’t the taste of the beer, but the fact he said earlier made everything felt bitter.
He was at the verge of crying when Sho sighed replying to him.
“I don’t say he hate you. The three of us agree that maybe Nino still love you. But that is also the reason why he was avoiding you. He was afraid of being hurt again,”
He swallowed his own saliva. Sho did make a lot of sense. Nino was avoiding him with all his might. And whatever Sho was saying just now, must be the truth to it.
But Ohno isn’t stupid. Even with Sho telling him that, he could have guessed the reason. But still, the distance between them made him sad. Maybe he finally realized how stupid he had become. He has someone who loved him before, to an extent that Nino almost killed himself when he couldn’t find a way out from their broken relationship. Ohno never realized it before, that letting Nino go will be the biggest lost he ever had in his life.
“It’s not that I’m against your decision, Ohno-kun. But I think Nino had it enough. He has hurt. Damaged to be exact. I just think that maybe it’s time for you to let him be, to let him find his own happiness. He decided that now. I think you should too,”
A painful stab was felt in his chest. If before, he never thought of anything when he decided to break up with Nino. He never cared if the man will be hurt by his own decision. If the man will ever move on from him. But now, hearing those words from Sho, hurts him. So much that he could feel his energy was draining away.
He wanted to cry. He really needed to, because the pain was unbearable. He stood from his seat, clumsily putting all his stuff into his bag, leaving Sho alone in the bar.
He remembered crying hard as he arrived home, waking up the next morning with a massive amount of headache.
__________________________________________________________________
Part 1 || current
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2015-03-17 09:17 am (UTC)saving spot!
no subject
Date: 2015-03-17 12:45 pm (UTC)...otsukaresama beta-san, otsukaresama senpai
i've read it until the half way and didn't find anything like i usualy felt when i read yours, but then.. when jun started bringing up that 'killing' subject again, my heart thumped (then started worried)
Jun had given him nice words <3 like an encouragement for nino to stand up one more time, eh? <3
then for ohno's statement about it should be him that felt paranoid and such, i kinda agree him. But well, Nino had lost his mind, couldn't find any way out, so things happened. problematic. :v
so~ thank you, Isya
hurry get well ;)
all the loves for you
<333333333
no subject
Date: 2015-03-19 12:42 am (UTC)i re-wrote 3rd chapter because Di said it's kinda rushing, not linking, but when i re-read, it's still the same. ugh. stupid me is stupid -.-"
pray for me and my soul XD hahaha
thanks a lot for commenting ne. yup, jun knew how to talk into Nino. much better than Ohno (because the only thing that two did is gesturing right? XD) let's hope for a better progress next part :)
no subject
Date: 2015-03-17 10:40 am (UTC)I feel that Nino avoiding Ohno is justified. After all he keeps hurting, when will he find his happiness? Nino deserves sincere love and not just a pity or love out of guilt. He deserves much more than that! *bite lips while eyes are tearing up*
Ohno should understand and feel more of the pain. Idk why but in this fic he totally deserves this bit of pain after what he had done and Nino's breaking down cause of him and his actions.
Do fans know about this? I mean I know Jimusho and upper managements will try to make the news invisible to the publics but isn't hospital is big and there's no way nobody does not recognise one of the Arashi members going in and out of hospital. I actually wanna know what the Jimusho let out as a cover to Nino's conditions or disapperance? Do they just keep filming when Nino is better?
And what fans reaction or speculation to this space thing? Wanna know.. *eyeing up to you*
Thanks for updating! :D
no subject
Date: 2015-03-19 12:57 am (UTC)and yes, he deserved all the hurt he felt now. Nino will give him hard time, that's for sure, but let's see, what will happen for them :)
thanks a lot for reading and commenting
no subject
Date: 2015-03-17 10:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-03-19 01:03 am (UTC)thanks a lot for reading and commenting :)
no subject
Date: 2015-03-17 10:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-03-17 11:12 am (UTC)And I believe, despite all the love he claims to have for Nino, he's still mad...
Will it be possible to mend this broken relationship?
no subject
Date: 2015-03-17 05:19 pm (UTC)feel the pain ohno! you deserved it! its not that easy to win him back...
no subject
Date: 2015-03-17 10:17 pm (UTC)selfish?! yeah maybe he was but He :(...Ohno started to think about it ;( but Ohchan can...is it too late for them??...
It's sad, I wait for next
no subject
Date: 2015-03-19 11:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2015-05-10 04:22 pm (UTC)