One Shot: After a Year
Sep. 6th, 2012 10:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ica_90Title: After a Year
Author: ica_90
Character: Ohmiya, Arashi (friendship)
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst
Summary: after a year, he still can't move on.
Disclaimer: I didn’t own any of them. I just own the storyline. this is totally fictional.
(note: it's a sequel to Gone. you might want to read them first before reading this. )
will you be fine if I go?
His last proper words to me
“hajimemashite, Erika-chan. Please take care of our leader,”
His last words to ask someone to look after me.
“Aishiteru demo,”
His final confession.
A year, but it’s too hard to move on. I miss him. too much that it’s hurting me more than I thought it would. His last moment in life, I give him a big hurt that I will never forgive myself for doing that.
People says that we will never acknowledge someone present until they leave us and never comeback. I agree.
Unfortunately, I will never have a chance to make everything right again.
It has been a year, but it’s so hard to move on. Maybe because of the guilt that I felt.
He keeps coming in my dream, smiling. No hatred show in every dream. But every time I come near his figure, he’ll step back leaving me behind with a word ‘move on, I forgive you’. Every single time, breaks me to the small pieces of my heart.
I climb the steps one by one to the top. To where he is ‘staying’ now. “You won’t move on if you keep doing that, Satoshi. You’re not breaking yourself alone. You’re breaking him too, and also your wife” is what Sho-kun has said to me last night. He’s right. But I refused to move on.
If I could turn back time.
“nino,” I called him once I arrive there. He is there. Just he won’t reply me.
Tears already fall down my cheeks as I put the flower on the tomb. I remove all the dry leaves there, ensuring the place as clean as possible.
“I come again,” I said sniffing. It never been so hard for me to cry when I arrive here every now and then. He is near, but yet too far for me to reach, to hug him like I always do to him once upon a time.
“I know the other always come here too. But I visit you too much isn’t i? I’m sure you’re already bored to see me here.” I chuckles while wiping my tears.
“but I miss you, Nino. Just by coming here, It helps me feeling I’m near you.”
“you know last night, All of us went for a drink. It has been a year. Arashi is still there, just it’s weird to stand only 4 of us. I know I already tell you this again and again, but it just weird. Something missing whenever we stand there,” I pause. “it’s you,”
I take my sight to the scenery of Tokyo. Every single memories of us before flew in front of me. Something that I just can’t take away so easy. A memory that I was once having somebody who cares about me so much, but I didn’t care about him with the same way.
I close my eyes remembering every single moment I was with him. I was the one who suggest OhMiya SK to him, and he agreed to it without any question.
We always be more than friend. He cared about me. We even sleep together, even it’s only a joke that we play for one of the show. We even have bath together. But it was me with my ego who keeps saying no. it was me who denied my feelings towards him when my feeling is exactly the same towards him.
“Aiba-chan was drunk yesterday. Since you gone, not a single time he say that ‘I’m glad being in arashi’ things. I’m sure he’ll remember you every time he said that” I bit my lower lips before I continue what I’m saying next. “But yesterday, he said he miss you,”
It’s breaking me more when I said that. I’m the reason why Nino dies. I’m the reason why Aiba-chan lost his bestfriend. I’m the reason why of Arashi lost one source of happiness. This time, I never hold my tears. I cry hard that I didn’t managed to let go anymore words.
“I’ve married you know. With her, Erika-chan. She fulfills her promise to you to take care of me. She’s a good wife, Nino,” I sob, wiping the tears that keep falling without stopping. “But I feel so guilty that I married her not because of I love her. But because of what you want me to do, Nino. You want me to treasure her.” I wipe my tears even I know it will still flow after that.
I can’t continue my words anymore as I fall into a hard cry. I keep repeating sorry as I cry. There’s too many things that I regret, that I fail to do while he’s still exist in this world, while he was near me before. Too many things that I regret. Please Nino. Please tell me what should I do.
I know you want me to move on, but I can’t.
Then, I feel a soft pat on my shoulder. It feels so nostalgic. The way you touch me, the way you hug me. It’s something that I can’t explain.
“satoshi,” it’s sho-kun. I turn around to see him with the other two, their eyes are red. Might be from crying. Seeing Jun standing there with them, my memory hits me.
“I hope you didn’t mean your words yesterday, Riida. Or else, you’ll be the one who’ll regret everything, the day he leaves,”
God, I feel so weak.
“riida, please stop this. He’s gone. You can’t stay this way,” aiba-chan say as he hugs me.
“I can’t… I can’t… please…” I wail.
God, forgive me. Nino. Please forgive me.
***
I didn’t know how I end up in my house with the other three surround me in my room, sleeping. My wife was not there, visiting her relative from last few days.
I thought that I’m crazy enough when I heard a voice that I was longing for calling me from the living room. maybe I am crazy enough, as I walk into the living room, he’s there sitting at the couch, smiling at me.
“Nino?” I call him, more to question in my tone. He nods.
“you’re not real aren’t you?” I ask even I already know the answer.
“depends on what you think,” he smirks. Still the same. The brat Ninomiya that I miss.
I went forward to hug him when he stops me.
“don’t! you’ll disappointed,” he says sadly. I stop, looking at him who was now taking his sight away from me once.
“Kazu…” what am I supposed to say when he was there, but I couldn’t feel him? my heart breaks.
“you need to move on, Oh-chan,” suddenly I remember he said that to me in his letter. He no longer calls me satoshi. I think we should call each other the name that everyone calls us. But that’s not the point.
“I …”
“don’t say you can ‘t Oh-chan. You have to..” he pauses once before continue. “because if you don’t, I can’t go. I’ll stuck here forever,”
What am I doing? He looks sad when he said those words. my action hurts him without me realizing it.
He makes his steps towards me. Slowly he try to cup my cheeks. It didn’t feels solid though, just it feels cold like wind blowing towards me. I shut my eyes, hearing his next words while trying to feel him real.
“I forgive you. for whatever you do to me. You hurt me, I have to admit it. but as I told you, I forgive you and you have to move on,” and then I feel he let go. Slowly I open my eyes seeing him step back from me.
“just one more request, as an addition from the last time,” he said cheerfully making me to feel even more pain.
“I ask you to treasure Erika-chan last time. this time, still the same. Treasure her and also what I left. Arashi,” he says with a glimpse of tears on his cheeks.
“Hugs them for me, Satoshi,” his last words before fading from my sight.
I was trying to hold my tears from fall when I heard Aiba-chan calling me.
“Who are you talking to Oh-chan?” he asks, rubbing his eyes with the two standing next to him.
I didn’t wait for long. I ran towards them, forming a group hug, no longer control my tears.
I need to move on, to let him go. Peacefully.
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no subject
Date: 2012-09-07 04:48 am (UTC)this is beautiful! its so sad and wonderful, and thank you for this. i love reading heart breaking stuff like this.
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Date: 2012-09-07 10:48 am (UTC)good luck with your homework XD
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Date: 2012-09-08 05:29 am (UTC)Glad now that Ohno tried to move on. Didn't expect he will get married though.
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Date: 2012-09-08 06:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-09 12:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-09-09 12:53 am (UTC)thanks for reading
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Date: 2012-12-03 03:43 pm (UTC)its so sad, barely able to read it because of my tears ^^.
Read most of your oneshot & love it. Thank you for writing & sharing it.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-03 04:00 pm (UTC)thanks for reading ne :)
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Date: 2013-04-25 03:45 am (UTC)thank you for sharing!!!
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Date: 2013-04-25 11:36 am (UTC)